00:00:03:07 - 00:00:16:23
Chris
Hello and welcome to the ending Buddy Burnout show. We are your host, Chris and Filly, co-founders of a multi-award winning functional medicine practice serving busy people with energy, mood and gut issues.
00:00:17:00 - 00:00:24:21
Filly
Well, business, addictive doing, people pleasing and perfectionism might be the norm. It's not normal and it's a major contributor to health issues.
00:00:25:00 - 00:00:38:04
Chris
Our goal with this show is to give you a holistic, root root cause approach to healing your body so that you don't have to continue doctor or diet hopping or popping a gazillion supplements hoping something might stick.
00:00:38:05 - 00:00:46:07
Filly
So get ready to heal your body. Get your spark back deeply, connect with yourself, and step into the life of your dreams.
00:00:46:10 - 00:00:55:13
Chris
Let's dive in.
00:00:55:14 - 00:01:26:21
Filly
Hello, everybody. This is Filly from the Antibody Burnout Show. We have a really special episode for you today. Chris is coaching a brave soul, digging into her perfectionism, controlling, improving patterns, and persistent tonight. So Chris is coaching Kelly Bell. We know Kelly through a business program that we are both in, and Kelly has also done the answers phase about ending body pain at method.
00:01:26:21 - 00:02:08:06
Filly
So connect the dots. Some lab testing and, a supplement protocol. And, she reached out because there were things that still weren't quite right, and she started suspecting that maybe there's something deeper going on at a metaphysical level. So these live root cause coaching sessions, essentially looking deeper into the unconscious mind, looking at patterns and programming and why the body is feeling burnt out or why they're, health issues or emotional type triggers or issues happening in the first place.
00:02:08:08 - 00:02:32:14
Filly
Now, Kelly was super generous, so beautiful and honest and vulnerable and open in this session. And I wanted to give her a little shout out for her biz as well, because you will hear in this podcast how much she loves what she does and how much she loves helping her people. So she is a former burned out teacher and now owner of the Learning Network.
00:02:32:14 - 00:03:01:07
Filly
I've popped her link in the show notes. If you do want to learn a little bit more about what she does, especially if you're a teacher, in her business, she supports other PD, HPA cafs, and HMS teachers to protect their precious time, energy, and well-being so they don't end up burned out like she did. Kelly has created her dream life and she's pretty healthy, yet she continues to feel that pressure to do more in her business and in her family.
00:03:01:07 - 00:03:35:05
Filly
And, like, she's just feeling like she's shouldering a lot of responsibility. And while she's worked on her health, including lab testing, gut protocol, mould removal that I mentioned earlier, she is struggling with chronic tinnitus. And so she has shown up today raw and vulnerable to look deeper into potential metaphysical root causes. So I want you to send some virtual energetic love out to Cal, because it is a rare honour to be able to listen to a very, very personal coaching session.
00:03:35:07 - 00:04:07:06
Filly
And if you really resonate with the way that we coach and you probably even resonate with some of the things that Cal has been struggling with, and you'd like to learn more about how to unravel your own perfectionism over doing, controlling proving type patterns. In January next month, we will be holding a free three day live coaching experience called Unravel Perfectionism and End Your Body Burnout.
00:04:07:08 - 00:04:31:21
Filly
It's going going to be epic. Chris and I, when we run these live coaching weeks, which really only happen every few years, and they are in conjunction with the opening of doors to our ending Body burn out method program, which is our six month healing root cause accelerator. We show up as if we eat a way that we show up for our clients.
00:04:31:22 - 00:04:54:06
Filly
You get real life coaching, you get us in your corner for a whole week, and it's a great opportunity, one to get your own insights. Even we've had people have it transformations from the free content. And also just to suss out the way that that we our functional medicine practice works, we definitely aren't your traditional standard, functional medicine practice.
00:04:54:10 - 00:05:21:07
Filly
We really look at the deep root causes that go beyond just your diet and sleep patterns. Say I popped that in the shade out long link. If you would like to see the link in the show notes, if you would like to sign up to that, you can just head below. And also, if you are keen to join our ending Buddy Burnout Method program, we are only open three times a year and will be opening again to our waitlist on the 20th of Jan.
00:05:21:09 - 00:05:54:05
Filly
Go down to the Shownotes, pop your name on the waitlist link. The benefit of that is not only will you secure a spot, we only have limited spaces as our program isn't just a course. It's way more than that. And you also get one on one consulting and coaching sessions inside the program. So we only have limited spaces and also those on the waitlist get exclusive access to over $500 worth of early bird bonuses, so you definitely want to be on that waitlist if you're keen to join the method.
00:05:54:07 - 00:06:00:05
Filly
Okay, let's go over to today's episode.
00:06:00:07 - 00:06:27:00
Chris
Gidday, guys, and welcome to this episode of The Body Burnout Show. We have a guest. We have Kelly Bell. Kel, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. It's a bit of a different one today. We get to, to do a live coaching call. You and I, we get to have conversation. So if we can work from a problem that you've got that you don't want to, to an outcome that you want, that you don't got.
00:06:27:02 - 00:06:37:19
Chris
And so, before we get into it, welcome. And do you want to just give a little bit of an overview about who you are, what you do, or that sort of stuff?
00:06:37:21 - 00:06:57:16
Kell
Yep. No worries Will, how I everyone thank you so much for having me on today. My name is Kel. I am a mother first and foremost of two beautiful girls, Carson, Lexi, 14 and 11, growing up very quickly, I've been married to my husband, nearly close to 20 years. We've been together for now, like 30.
00:06:57:18 - 00:07:23:02
Kell
We live on the Central Coast. I am a recovering, perfectionist, but also, I'm a teacher. A teacher in New South Wales, in Australia. And I lift the classroom, which I absolutely loved. Back in July 2020, I was burnt out. I didn't see the symptoms and the signs. But I could kind of feel it rearing its ugly head.
00:07:23:04 - 00:07:44:00
Kell
Just after Covid, as many educators probably remember those days. And, you know, parents and everyone, it was, a bit of a testing time, but now I get to work with HP and community and family studies teachers. I've got a few memberships and resources, but, you know, I love what I get to do. I feel like I'm making a bigger difference.
00:07:44:02 - 00:07:58:11
Kell
It was a pretty short time, to be honest. But I feel like I'm kind of. Yeah. In really good space now that I get to work with teachers that I love. So, yeah, it's a bit about me. Love the gym running, you know, doing all the things.
00:07:58:13 - 00:08:44:09
Chris
Awesome. Thank thanks so much for coming on. I okay, I love words. I love listening to to to things people say. And when it's the first time I've got to to chat to somebody. I listen to what you're saying, and, and I can write a few questions down to, just to, to make my understanding of what's going on in your map, in your, in your mind, like as you're saying what you're saying, you've got a movie running, you've got, when you talk about Covid, your experience of Covid, you know, we might have similarities, but at the end of the day, your what you see in your mind, what you remember
00:08:44:10 - 00:09:02:12
Chris
is going to be your version of, of that. And, and so I think that would be really interesting to to dig into your experience of, of Covid. You said it was a a testing time. What why was it so testing for you specifically?
00:09:02:14 - 00:09:28:10
Kell
Yeah, for me specifically, I was, I, you know, a bit of a back story. I had just been, I suppose, demoted from a position at school. I was temporary. The boss didn't want me to continue in that leadership position. So I kind of went into the year after going. I'm going to prove them wrong. I'm going to do everything I can to, prove to them, you know, that I'm a good teacher, that I deserve a leadership position at the school.
00:09:28:12 - 00:09:58:03
Kell
So I helped our school go online during Covid. You know, some of our teachers, God loved them, didn't know how to send an email. So I live alone, getting on Google Classroom and presenting via zoom and working with their kids online. And I think that was kind of like the prelude to, like, then becoming, you know, everything then happening after that that I tried to do so much to help them and it kind of just got thrown in my face, let alone having five senior classes, teaching them.
00:09:58:05 - 00:10:15:19
Kell
So, you know, in New South Wales, we have the HSC, end of, you know, end of schooling exams. I had five of those classes. It was it was that pressure. But also, I loved what I got to do. I actually loved being at home because I didn't have the people who were at my school.
00:10:15:19 - 00:10:36:08
Kell
And knowing the absolute bejesus out of me coming into my classroom. So I loved that side of things. You know, I was trying to teach our children, on, you know, at home as well as having my hate to say, classes. So the second kind of wave of Covid in New South Wales, we actually sent our girls back to school.
00:10:36:10 - 00:10:59:04
Kell
So they probably spent a bit of term two at school. I think it was time to use a little bit of, you know, a blur. But nearly five years ago, so I, I loved being at home, working with my students. I thrived, you know, in that, working with them. But, I was getting messages left, right and centre from teachers at school, especially people who were in my faculty, in the pay faculty.
00:10:59:06 - 00:11:20:01
Kell
And, you know, I was just kind of, I suppose, demoted from being the head teacher. And then them still messaging me. And I didn't have firm boundaries back then, you know, they were messaging me at stupid hours. Because I'll probably try to survive as well. And I didn't say it like that. I saw, as I think, threatening, threatening to my space.
00:11:20:01 - 00:11:43:18
Kell
And, you know, I say my magic in the classroom, and it was online. But then you know that chocolates, as a lot of people experience around the world to teach your own kids at home, but also work and, you know, earn an income. So during the second wave of Covid, I actually was probably just after that, we came back to school and then in the July, I left teaching.
00:11:43:18 - 00:12:04:17
Kell
So I left the classroom, left a job I absolutely loved. So although it was a tough time at home, with that balance, then kind of I think that was probably what sent me maybe just and it was probably a combination of everything, you know? Yeah. Anyway,
00:12:04:19 - 00:12:11:07
Chris
What, what year? July. What year? That was 2020 or 2021?
00:12:11:09 - 00:12:11:23
Kell
2020.
00:12:12:01 - 00:12:15:17
Chris
2020. Yeah. Yeah. What a year.
00:12:15:19 - 00:12:21:11
Kell
For what time did you're going to shoot some for?
00:12:21:13 - 00:12:27:08
Chris
Oh, man. I feel so blessed to live in Tasmania.
00:12:27:10 - 00:12:49:11
Kell
Okay. Oh, dear. Okay, so we didn't have room light restrictions, but we were still a part of that greater Sydney. So, you know, we couldn't go to the shops. We couldn't. Yeah. Going to beach. Although we did sneak down to a few of our local beaches where it was quite secluded and go for a swim. Daniel and I, my husband and I absolutely loved Covid at home with the girls.
00:12:49:12 - 00:13:10:03
Kell
And so. Yeah, our dining. Well, it's not really our dying, it's our branch. But we made that into a, table tennis. Board. And, you know, we had a really good time with the kids, but just that pressure of, you know, teaching five how to say, classes, having, these other women message me and contact me.
00:13:10:03 - 00:13:21:22
Kell
You know, there was no boundaries with hours and times. And, if I could just do my job and teach my kids that would be, Yeah. Anyway, look, silver linings.
00:13:21:23 - 00:13:40:02
Chris
Yeah. You said it was a tough time at home with balance. Why was it tough for you? Like, just see if you can, remember back to then.
00:13:40:04 - 00:14:02:15
Kell
I remember it really well, I think, you know, I as an educator, I would, you know, do the best by the kids. Give it my all. Put everything into my teaching. And I loved the classroom. I love my kids, love my students, love the job. Even parts of it that some teachers don't enjoy. A reports and programming, creating resources.
00:14:02:15 - 00:14:44:20
Kell
I love that side of things, but I think, I think the pressure was probably coming from so many different angles that I was, you know, finding it hard to to balance that, and potentially have the strategies to actually go like, okay, I need to make sure, you know, my, my students are okay, make sure my girls, our kids are okay, and then also have the added pressure of the staff that were contacting me, you know, around the clock when I kind of suppose knew that I wasn't their leader, but those who were coming to me for leadership and advice and support and, yeah, I think I think things would, would be different if
00:14:44:20 - 00:15:02:22
Kell
I hadn't had them, if I just had my students and my children, I think I would have been able to kind of cope with those two people. You know, in my fight, groups of people in my face. But, I think the other staff just really got to be in. Yeah, I just came back from Covid and went, I don't know if I can keep doing this.
00:15:03:00 - 00:15:19:06
Kell
And I thought the only option was to actually leave the classroom. Like, I couldn't go into another school, but I was in massive self-protection mode. And, yeah, I didn't want to feel like that ever again.
00:15:19:08 - 00:15:42:18
Chris
Okay. Short Shortcutting to perfectionism. I just can't going there. Was that was that a part of the the pressure, you know, this this pattern of perfectionism or what did that show up? Yeah.
00:15:42:20 - 00:16:01:23
Kell
I am a recovering perfectionist. I am a lot better now. But there are still tendencies that I'm like, I just want to get it right, you know, make sure it's all perfect. As a kid, you know, I always similar, you know, to what I am now that I want everything to to look good and to to be good.
00:16:01:23 - 00:16:29:18
Kell
And, I'm, I'm assuming will probably dive into what? Why it's like that. Yeah. I think I've become better as a parent. Like when you have kids, you know that, like, the house can't be perfect. You know, everything can't be, you know, looking good. And you can't control, you know, what your kids do, like, really to God and to educate and to lead them and nurture them.
00:16:29:18 - 00:16:57:14
Kell
But you can't do everything for them. And I've learned the hard way. But yeah, I think it was probably a combination of, like, I can not control my students. I can support them. I can help my children. But, you know, the other stuff I, I had no like, no say or no, yeah. Like no control over their behaviours and what they said and, and what they did.
00:16:57:16 - 00:17:24:02
Kell
But I actually didn't put those boundaries in place to say, no, you're not contacting me at 10:00 at night to ask you, you know, ask me just one question. That one question turned into half an hour, later. So. Yeah. Look, it's when you give of yourself to everything, and when when people kind of don't respect, you know, who you are, what you're about.
00:17:24:04 - 00:17:35:13
Kell
Yeah. It was. It was a tricky time.
00:17:35:15 - 00:18:01:12
Chris
So what's, What's a problem around where it might be around you? Perfection is, Or it might be around something else. What's a problem? That you think might be an interesting direction to take our conversation today, that there might be a bit of a problem that, like, if you could, just as the crow flies, just go straight there.
00:18:01:14 - 00:18:09:10
Chris
What what do you think might be an interesting thing to to chat about that you would get an outcome that you actually like?
00:18:09:12 - 00:18:39:19
Kell
Yeah. I think, how do you kind of not let other people's perception of, of maybe, maybe, yeah. Not get to me other people's feelings. I think like when you, you know, that's saying when you surround yourself by people that light you up, you know, that's all well and good to say that. But then when people do come into your energy or your space and are different to you or don't have that, same values or.
00:18:39:21 - 00:19:10:22
Kell
Yeah, I don't know, I think there's probably two things there. But, you know, is the root cause my perfectionism potentially, I know that everyone can't be like me, and I'm not perfect in any way, shape or form. And I'm, you know, we're all different. That's what makes the world go round. I think letting other people get to me is, is a massive issue that I've had.
00:19:10:23 - 00:19:19:18
Chris
To talk me through that. How is how is that a problem specifically? Like what is has that turn up? Was that look like.
00:19:19:20 - 00:19:40:04
Kell
Yeah, I think, you know, probably when I was a teenager with friends, but but you kind of you get over that pretty quickly as you move through the teenage years. But I think, I think for me, family has been something that's quite, tricky. You know, you can't kind of say, oh, we're not friends anymore. Like, family is family forever.
00:19:40:05 - 00:20:10:13
Kell
And I think for me, I feel a lot of pressure. As the eldest daughter of my family, so I'm one of four, there's a nine year gap between me and my youngest sister. She did so when we were kids. You know, my mother, I'm like, I know that, but I think just that mothering and nurturing kind of role that I wanted to play probably, you know, a ten year old or a five year old, back in the day, didn't you probably didn't appreciate or want me to be her mother because you want to be my sister.
00:20:10:13 - 00:20:35:14
Kell
Like, I get that. Yeah. So I think, you know, when you let other people's, perception or energy or negativity get to you, and then, I don't know, I think, it's draining. It's hard to to manage your own energy when other people are, you know, impacting on you.
00:20:35:16 - 00:20:41:13
Chris
00:20:41:15 - 00:20:48:18
Chris
Okay. Somewhere in this is a is a, a Kelly problem, you know like.
00:20:48:20 - 00:20:52:00
Kell
Oh that's I.
00:20:52:02 - 00:21:29:13
Chris
Because just because, I guess I, we just, because we are that, because this is me too. I'm the oldest of four. Yeah. As well. And just because we are the oldest kids, doesn't mean that we have to have, a problem as you, as you describe it, you know, like, so somewhere in there, there's a unique behaviour set that's it's expressing itself in a very uniquely you way.
00:21:29:13 - 00:21:49:22
Chris
So it's, it's not, all just a for kids problem. It would be a Kelly problem. What's the Kelly problem? Do you think? What do you think you do that that's worked out to be. I know this is a problem. I do this,
00:21:50:00 - 00:22:32:23
Kell
Yeah. Probably. Control maybe. Yeah. Wanting to control everything. Maybe. That's probably part of it. I don't know if that stems to, like, perfectionism. I want to have control of, I don't know, like, life isn't. Life has its ups and downs. I know that it's a massive roller coaster, but I don't know, maybe my perfectionism has shown up as control of what other people say or do.
00:22:33:01 - 00:22:41:19
Kell
So I just want things like not perfect, but, happy and positive. Yeah.
00:22:41:21 - 00:22:51:05
Chris
But what happened just then? You you started getting teary when, you know, what? What happened then?
00:22:51:07 - 00:23:00:03
Kell
Probably name it. Oh, yeah. And then controlling my own emotions.
00:23:00:05 - 00:23:03:03
Chris
Now there's stuff looking at me. Chris.
00:23:03:04 - 00:23:10:22
Kell
Yes? Pause the bus. Give me this conversation.
00:23:10:23 - 00:23:16:01
Chris
Write down the timestamp. Delete this bit.
00:23:16:03 - 00:23:17:08
Kell
00:23:17:10 - 00:23:27:03
Chris
Cal control. Thinking about control. Naming control. Brought a tear to your eye. Didn't,
00:23:27:05 - 00:23:29:00
Kell
Yeah.
00:23:29:02 - 00:23:36:07
Chris
Twisting. Want things to be good and be happy.
00:23:36:09 - 00:24:02:18
Chris
I mean, control what? Brings certainty. Definitely. Yeah. Maybe it's. Maybe it's linked to perfectionism. Maybe. Maybe it's something else. What's what's the what's the real gift or benefit of of controlling because you not broken you. You've set your whole life up in this.
00:24:02:19 - 00:24:08:09
Kell
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:24:08:11 - 00:24:47:18
Kell
Like, I've always been a very organised person, so I think. I think mean, I kind of want to know this sounds weird, but kind of want to know where things are going. And if people come in and change, or if I've, You know, I'm getting emotional about this, but if I've set things in my life that, you know, intentionally and people come in and try to affect that, then, like, I can't control them, but I can control my reaction to them, which obviously that's a thing that I'm still working on.
00:24:47:19 - 00:24:51:14
Kell
Yeah.
00:24:51:16 - 00:25:01:06
Chris
Here we go. So. You.
00:25:01:08 - 00:25:06:10
Chris
You were looking around. I'd be interested to watch the replay at this time. Yeah.
00:25:06:12 - 00:25:11:06
Kell
And see what I is. Yeah. Not getting emotional.
00:25:11:08 - 00:25:39:19
Chris
Right. That's, And and so what were you was there something specific that you were you were remembering or thinking about when you said, when I set things up intentionally and people come in and change it? Yeah. Can you remember a time that just comes to your mind where where that has happened?
00:25:39:21 - 00:26:09:17
Kell
Yeah. Like, it's funny, like I think about, you know, the goals in your life. Now I want to be a teacher. That happened. I got a job straight away. We moved up to the Central Coast. That happened like we said, you know, dreams and goals that we had for ourselves. And, I don't know, like, I don't want, like, I know that I need to work on ways to, to manage other people's emotions as well.
00:26:09:17 - 00:26:33:00
Kell
I think I think that's part of it. Because then it affects me a lot. Like I can't switch off for it. Maybe because I want their life to be just as good as mine, I, I don't know.
00:26:33:02 - 00:26:47:23
Kell
So I'm pretty happy, pretty lucky. And, Yeah, I don't I don't know what I'll let people get to me all the time.
00:26:48:01 - 00:26:53:22
Kell
Not so natural.
00:26:54:00 - 00:27:08:03
Chris
You set a dream and make it go. You wanted to be a PE teacher, for example. You set things up. You have an intention.
00:27:08:05 - 00:27:14:20
Chris
What's the. What's the benefit in having an intention? Like what do you. What do you get out of that? Like, that's got to have some sort of.
00:27:14:22 - 00:27:32:04
Kell
Yeah I think got goals to work towards. Something to look forward to. Achievement. Success. Happiness. Yeah.
00:27:32:06 - 00:27:51:04
Chris
Yeah yeah. And go, go even higher than that. Like what's the and what's the benefit of of achievement success and happiness. What do you get out of that good life. She. Yeah. Good life. Yeah. Then you see. Oh sorry I cut you off. My bad. What was that.
00:27:51:06 - 00:27:53:01
Kell
I say satisfying life.
00:27:53:03 - 00:27:56:19
Chris
Bang. Yeah.
00:27:56:21 - 00:28:09:07
Chris
So anything above that, like, can you go? What's the benefit of a satisfying life? What do you like? What do you really get out of a satisfying life? What does it mean about you?
00:28:09:09 - 00:28:36:04
Kell
I think like to, like, be proud of what I've achieved. You know, you set goals and you achieve them, and then, to me, that's like success, but also the enjoyment of those rewards that, you know, you're on this path of, you know, life, and we have, you know, goals that you achieve, like, oh, that's awesome.
00:28:36:04 - 00:28:59:06
Kell
Like, what am I actually capable of? Like, as humans, we're pretty. We're pretty lucky and pretty special that, you know, we get to do what we get to do. And I know there's, you know, lots of families that don't, have that. They don't have that happiness. I don't have, you know, a happy life. But, you know, if I can look back on my life and go, you know what?
00:28:59:06 - 00:29:24:00
Kell
I'm actually really proud of the way I've lived my life. The way I show up. You know, my service to, you know, my family, my teachers. I've done a good job, and, you know, I'm proud of that. We're all that stems from, I'm not sure. Probably family at some point.
00:29:24:02 - 00:29:24:19
Kell
00:29:24:21 - 00:29:31:05
Chris
Okay. Well,
00:29:31:06 - 00:29:36:06
Chris
But what do you, I think you said should in there somewhere. People should be happy.
00:29:36:08 - 00:29:39:11
Kell
00:29:39:13 - 00:29:55:17
Chris
Why is this, something that you you have latched on to? This? People should be happy. They should be able to, Can't they see that. That I'm only doing this for them?
00:29:55:19 - 00:30:33:20
Kell
Yeah. I think it really stems back to, you know, being the eldest and wanting to maybe prove myself as the eldest. Probably prove myself to my family, to mum and dad. Yeah. But lots of young lizards. You know, I think that sense of responsibility and leadership, maybe I feel that internally, I don't know.
00:30:33:22 - 00:30:42:03
Kell
00:30:42:05 - 00:31:00:10
Chris
So who are you being when you are responsible and when you're, being when you're showing leadership? Like what? What kind of woman are you? Person? Are you human? Are you,
00:31:00:12 - 00:31:28:04
Kell
Maybe someone to look up to or someone to look up to? A support for people. An advocate. I know I was definitely an advocate for my siblings, for my kids. Very protective. And, Yeah, it's mum and dad ever. Because mum and dad, got divorced when I was 19. So, you know, there's some rocky times at home.
00:31:28:06 - 00:31:51:00
Kell
And I think as a eldest, I try to protect my younger siblings from that. And I think even now, like, if I think about it, protecting my teachers, we, you know, the work that I do through creating resources to help them save time and, to get, you know, for them to get time back in their own life.
00:31:51:02 - 00:32:14:18
Kell
You know, I feel a sense of responsibility. You know, for them even as well, like that, I'm doing a good job to help them and to support them. And, Yeah. Does it stem from, you know, childhood potentially. You know, maybe.
00:32:14:20 - 00:32:28:14
Chris
This is really interesting. Okay. So. You mentioned, I'll just rattle off a couple of things I wrote down. If only you could see my notes. I've got, like, red lines of spelling everywhere.
00:32:28:14 - 00:32:32:04
Kell
I'm like, ooh, good.
00:32:32:06 - 00:33:01:07
Chris
Responsibility. Protecting, advocate leadership. Oldest happiness. Dreams, goals. Written down as words on paper that have spelling mistakes, but but written down on paper. So those things they're not they're not inherently bad or naughty or.
00:33:01:09 - 00:33:01:13
Kell
Not.
00:33:01:13 - 00:33:11:16
Chris
Even inherently good or bad or or righteous or great, you know, they're just words.
00:33:11:17 - 00:33:27:23
Chris
How do you feel about responsibility and how do you feel about being an advocate, and how do you feel about being protective and being the oldest and being intentional? What does that mean to you?
00:33:28:01 - 00:33:34:10
Kell
A little weight on my shoulder.
00:33:34:12 - 00:33:39:06
Kell
And I, I created that like.
00:33:39:08 - 00:34:03:09
Kell
May that happen with my family. Made that happen with my teachers. And obviously I would not take any of that back like I do. I thrive rivals that maybe I don't know, I see a person that thrives off that. So that type of responsibility and pressure, I don't I,
00:34:03:11 - 00:34:05:03
Kell
I mean, I don't know.
00:34:05:05 - 00:34:13:02
Chris
But kill you're not broken. I you you're you're actually a well put together person.
00:34:13:04 - 00:34:27:18
Chris
You you have created this class system that you're a warts and all everything.
00:34:27:20 - 00:35:02:11
Chris
And it's not inherently bad that you you you want for these things. Nothing's a problem till it is. Everything's okay till it's not. Yeah, I have it. My spidey senses are thinking maybe. Actually, this this has kind of reached a point. A tipping point where actually, I do thrive off it, but maybe it has this reached a tipping point where.
00:35:02:13 - 00:35:07:07
Chris
Well, now it's actually, in some ways, it's actually a bit of a problem.
00:35:07:08 - 00:35:09:20
Kell
Yeah.
00:35:09:22 - 00:35:14:07
Chris
Or not, I might be wrong. What? What are your thoughts?
00:35:14:09 - 00:35:25:20
Kell
Yeah. I think so little at, you know, for the listeners, I work with Filly, in which you your program, you're not your buddy burnout program, you know.
00:35:25:22 - 00:35:30:13
Chris
And this is, so connect the dots doing testing.
00:35:30:15 - 00:35:54:08
Kell
Yeah. So I do connect the dots, series of sessions with Filly and, because at the end of October last year or 12 months ago, I had low iron, and I showed up and I was like, okay, I love the gym. I, you know, your story has resonated with me a lot, Chris. Like, you know, the push at the gym and, I was like, is it bad?
00:35:54:08 - 00:36:23:04
Kell
Like, am I pushing myself at the gym too much? Am I lifting too heavy? Am I just, you know, being a, bit of a gym junkie, which I never thought I would become like that. And then when it showed up as a low iron and then felt like coming into, like, I think fab, the like my iron levels were lower and I then started getting really my is, you know, I was in I was yeah obviously then going, okay, what else?
00:36:23:06 - 00:36:47:16
Kell
My body's telling you something. I don't know what it is. You know, anyway, I uncovered quite a few things, like with, like, he got, we had mould in our house right? Which, so I, you know, where I work? It's downstairs. We had, some, you know, heavy rain. We had a tree fall through our balcony.
00:36:47:18 - 00:37:11:14
Kell
We then had water come through under the house, and we kind of got rid of. We fixed the balcony, but then obviously there was mould growing in our spare room, and I was right next to our spare room, so, yeah, like, thank God I even, you know, had a conversation with Phil about, you know, all of this to then go, okay, well, let's get rid of the mould.
00:37:11:16 - 00:37:35:14
Kell
You know, sorted that out, but then I still have the reading. My is, I haven't got my iron reach it. That's on the list. I feel really good in myself. I feel, you know, it's the fittest I have been. But I know there's something going on. And obviously, you know, as you guys talk about a lot, you know, the brick houses.
00:37:35:14 - 00:38:01:22
Kell
Yeah, the mould, the low iron. Yeah. Got related or that type of thing. But really at the end of it, there's this other layer that, you know, we're talking about today that, Is that the reading in the is or is that, you know, combination mode? We don't know. But I know that I need to develop some strategies to,
00:38:02:00 - 00:38:13:06
Kell
Yeah, to overcome that lack of control that I feel when other people are in my space or my perfectionism. Yeah.
00:38:13:08 - 00:38:46:06
Chris
Yeah, this is real. This is also really interesting. Carl. I love metaphorical meanings of symptoms. Not not as a clear diagnosis, but as a as a talking point. Yeah. It's really funny how sometimes actually, a lot of times the metaphor holds great meaning and, ringing in the ears. And I just think, okay, what what else is a ringing in the I'm thinking Jiminy Cricket like, right.
00:38:46:07 - 00:38:48:09
Kell
Yeah. Just in case it.
00:38:48:11 - 00:39:17:01
Chris
What? Yeah. In your mind, as you're experiencing life and and and, you're pushing yourself. Well, not just at the gym, but you're pushing yourself in your career and your family. You're pushing towards achievement and goals. What's what's your intuition telling you? Like, what's your what's that little voice ringing in your ears?
00:39:17:03 - 00:39:49:06
Kell
Yeah, maybe it's right. Keep going, keep pushing. Yeah. Be be someone that other people look up to. Not just, you know, my siblings, but teachers. And maybe it's. I don't know, it's probably connected to what happened to me four years ago, but, am I who am I trying to prove? Like, I don't know, like, I've got it all.
00:39:49:07 - 00:39:59:22
Kell
I've got a really good life, a great career and beautiful kids, beautiful family. But it's still something that, you know, I'm chasing. I suppose.
00:40:00:00 - 00:40:10:19
Chris
Here we go. Proving. Chasing. Okay, so what kind of person? If you think about other people.
00:40:10:21 - 00:40:23:12
Chris
What kind of people would try and prove or defend or chase? What? What kind of people do that?
00:40:23:14 - 00:40:44:00
Kell
Like I always will go to, like, people who have high expectations or, you know, clear goals. People who work hard, People who, I don't know, like, successful. I don't know. Yeah.
00:40:44:02 - 00:40:50:22
Chris
I mean, if you if you chuck somebody up on a witness stand or. I don't even know if we do that. I've never been.
00:40:51:00 - 00:40:52:13
Kell
Is that thing.
00:40:52:15 - 00:41:10:13
Chris
Yeah. On TV, people go on stands. But then they're the. Are you guilty? Do you deny it? And then they've got to like, you know, prove themselves to all the lawyers in Australia like that.
00:41:10:15 - 00:41:14:04
Kell
But,
00:41:14:06 - 00:41:24:06
Chris
So, so it's if if we have this, this part of us that feels.
00:41:24:08 - 00:41:37:07
Chris
Either, a part of us feels guilty or a part of us feels under attack, or a part of us feels accused in some way. We'll prove. Yeah. No, I don't. Yeah, see?
00:41:37:07 - 00:41:39:23
Kell
Look. Look at me. Yeah.
00:41:40:00 - 00:41:46:07
Chris
I have, I have a house, I have a family. I have the things, I have the stuff. I have the people.
00:41:46:09 - 00:41:49:12
Kell
Yeah.
00:41:49:14 - 00:42:01:22
Chris
So proving. Proving is usually a manage a management or a cover up or, or a strategy to defend yourself when, when you're under attack or under threat.
00:42:02:00 - 00:42:32:13
Kell
Say, written before black when you said, you know, it's either that it's the success stuff. The hard work, or it's a threatening like, Like you question and this like, I still keep going back to what happened to me, the classroom. I can't I honestly can't move past it. I don't know why. I think because so I feel threatened for, you know, I love teaching.
00:42:32:13 - 00:42:58:00
Kell
I absolutely loved it. And they threatened like, my passion, my vocation. And I think, I don't know, like, am I still trying to prove those people? And I should let them get to me like, it's not, you know, it's I am living like, an absolute dream. Now I get to create the most amazing things for my teachers.
00:42:58:01 - 00:43:19:00
Kell
But it's probably still that, you know, say I'm a good teacher. Like, you know, you you sent me, you sent me out of the classroom, but I do that. That was me. That was a man. I made that decision to walk, out of the classroom and and leave teaching.
00:43:19:02 - 00:43:22:23
Chris
Anyway, I am a good teacher.
00:43:23:01 - 00:43:23:17
Kell
Yeah, I have.
00:43:23:17 - 00:43:39:20
Chris
The attributes of a good teacher. I have the skills and capabilities. Behaviours, the key. I set this up, my environment that I did, I, I did this, this is me.
00:43:39:22 - 00:43:40:06
Kell
Are you.
00:43:40:06 - 00:43:43:01
Chris
Not entertained?
00:43:43:03 - 00:43:45:16
Kell
That's.
00:43:45:18 - 00:43:48:22
Chris
What's that? What's that movie.
00:43:49:00 - 00:43:51:09
Kell
That, Is that Gladiator? I think.
00:43:51:10 - 00:43:55:13
Chris
It's Gladiator, isn't.
00:43:55:15 - 00:44:00:06
Kell
That's my husband's favourite movie. Oh, my God, this is it. That's so good.
00:44:00:08 - 00:44:06:20
Chris
Right. I have a response. Maybe it's because I just watched the preview this morning of the new on.
00:44:06:22 - 00:44:10:18
Kell
I.
00:44:10:20 - 00:44:24:14
Chris
All right, so here it is. You are the. You, you're not just doing teaching. You're not just the person who rocks up for paycheque.
00:44:24:15 - 00:44:43:16
Kell
No, I'm not counting down. Well, one of them said, oh, good. 18 months until I retire. Oh my God. Shit. You've got a pretty bloody boring life. You've worked out how many months? I mean, how many terms? Like until you retire.
00:44:43:18 - 00:45:15:04
Chris
Yeah. Drink, drink, break and. Okay, I had a belief that I was unlovable and, that nobody likes me. And it was unconscious, wasn't it? Wasn't at the top. I didn't know I was thinking this. I and so I set about trying to prove.
00:45:15:06 - 00:45:16:10
Kell
That.
00:45:16:12 - 00:45:47:20
Chris
I am lovable. See, I do the things I do. The stuff. Tick tick tick tick. Can't you see? Look, this whole thing is tick tick tick tick. I do that, I would even get myself into to activities that were, interesting. Like pulling trucks and lifting logs and rocks and throwing things and, Yeah, mainstream kind of weird.
00:45:47:22 - 00:46:18:00
Chris
And so it's not mainstream, right? Yeah. It's like, Chris, you're. Yeah, you're you do that. Wow. No one could do that. Yeah. See, I am love you like me, don't you? And then all of a sudden injury. Oh, I can't do the thing. Oh, I hurt my foot. I also played American football, which is a little bit different to mainstream Australia.
00:46:18:01 - 00:46:43:22
Chris
You know, people play AFL or footy, play rugby. And my foot snapped, I broke my tibia and fibula and some of the bones in my ankle, and my foot turned. That was a big injury, and I couldn't walk properly, and and all of a sudden, I couldn't do the things that that I had placed.
00:46:43:22 - 00:47:19:16
Chris
So nobody else had placed this on me. I had placed it that I'm the guy who does the stuff, and if I can't do the stuff, oh, who am I? My whole world just started crashing. Then, in addition to injuries, my body system started going nuts. Not working the way they could or should. And and I think I'm correct me if I'm wrong.
00:47:19:18 - 00:47:23:22
Chris
Who? You, came under attack.
00:47:24:00 - 00:47:58:22
Kell
I was about to say that. Yeah? Yeah, yeah, because I think, I get a lot of joy, and satisfaction out of education. So. Yeah, I suppose. I was under attack. Like you were questioning, What I absolutely loved, what was so passionate about,
00:47:59:00 - 00:48:14:21
Kell
Yeah. You question what has been part of my life for such a long time, but it doesn't define who I am. Oh, I'm not to take a look. I know that.
00:48:14:22 - 00:48:17:03
Chris
I think a lot of you knows that.
00:48:17:05 - 00:48:18:13
Kell
Yeah.
00:48:18:15 - 00:48:24:14
Chris
But there's a little bit of,
00:48:24:16 - 00:48:49:08
Chris
Republican Democrat conflict going on. There's a little bit of a Gaza. Israel, conflict going like inside of you. There's a there's a large part of you that that knows I'm more than just a teacher, but there's a part of you that says. This is who who we are. This is I am the. This is the thing.
00:48:49:08 - 00:49:00:18
Chris
This is us. Who are we? Teacher. What do we want? Teach.
00:49:00:20 - 00:49:33:02
Kell
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. This. This is me. Like, this is who I am. It's defined me for so long. Yeah. And when that that got threatened. But look, I even think, not as a teacher, as, you know, in the classroom, but the eldest of, like, 40 odd cousins, the eldest of my family. Yeah. Not just the teacher in the classroom, but the teacher in life.
00:49:33:02 - 00:49:41:16
Kell
And, you know, Yeah, with family too. I think.
00:49:41:17 - 00:50:03:13
Chris
I resonate so much with. With you, That existential identification of what I do that you're talking about family, cousins. I think I might have you in the cousins department, though. My my mum's the the second of 12, and I think I've got over 100.
00:50:03:15 - 00:50:05:01
Kell
Oh, my.
00:50:05:03 - 00:50:08:14
Chris
And I'm the oldest grandson in that, in that pot.
00:50:08:15 - 00:50:13:13
Kell
Well, I was, I was the eldest Grant. Well, I am the eldest granddaughter on my mom's side.
00:50:13:15 - 00:50:15:14
Chris
Wow. Where we're twins.
00:50:15:14 - 00:50:28:18
Kell
Well, and I'm on my oldest granddaughter on my dad's. All right, but you boys set up this three boys older than know, four boys older than me. But I'm the oldest granddaughter on both sides, actually.
00:50:28:20 - 00:50:45:19
Chris
Yeah, I, I get it, I get I get. Where you coming from? Yeah. And and I don't want to put my map on you because you're uniquely you. But but there's there's enough going on with you that that all went well. Yeah.
00:50:45:19 - 00:50:53:15
Kell
That's interesting. And did you do exercise science at uni? Yeah.
00:50:53:17 - 00:50:54:22
Kell
You're not competitive at all.
00:50:54:22 - 00:51:08:01
Chris
I guess I am. I'm more competitive than ever, but I'm humble. I'm the most humble person that I know. I'm. I'm more humble than you.
00:51:08:02 - 00:51:08:21
Kell
Oh.
00:51:08:23 - 00:51:32:22
Chris
Okay. So I, I think most people would resonate as that listening to to the doing things, doing of the things and ticking of the boxes and achievement and goals. Most people who listen to our podcasts are like, yep, yep, yep, that's me. That's me, that's me. And then there might be a few people that are kind of similar to us.
00:51:32:22 - 00:51:49:20
Chris
That big family, oldest in that big family, get into a leadership role in family, but also in career. And a part of you knows that you're more than what you do. Well.
00:51:49:22 - 00:51:50:04
Kell
Yeah.
00:51:50:04 - 00:52:28:19
Chris
No, but there's this part of you, this this part of you. Maybe it's a minority, maybe it's a majority. Whatever. There's a part of you that that actually doesn't have that. Integrated yet it's it believes that I am what I do. I am a teacher. I am, the oldest cousin. I am the the mother of my children and my siblings.
00:52:28:21 - 00:53:00:05
Chris
So, I get it. And I think this could this could take us down a another path. But but what I would do if we had more time together, I would look at bringing those two parts together. It's like the that both of them would want the best for you. The part of you that that knows you're not the teacher that that you know, that that part of you.
00:53:00:05 - 00:53:04:12
Chris
Whatever. Yeah. What would you call that part that would,
00:53:04:14 - 00:53:06:10
Kell
I don't know, the teacher part of me.
00:53:06:12 - 00:53:14:18
Chris
Yeah. And then you've got the the other part that that believes you. You are a teacher, though, like, you know, like you've got.
00:53:14:20 - 00:53:17:02
Kell
Yeah.
00:53:17:04 - 00:53:26:02
Chris
If you were to bring those two together, you, actually, before I even go there.
00:53:26:03 - 00:53:49:08
Chris
The part of you that that has attached meaning and identity to you, being a teacher to you, doing what you do, there is a benefit to that. And that that part of you is only only wants the best for you. Yeah. It's looking out for you. It's got your back. That's not a busted, evil part of you. That's a beautiful part of you.
00:53:49:08 - 00:53:54:02
Chris
Kill.
00:53:54:04 - 00:53:57:18
Chris
It just needs to learn something.
00:53:57:20 - 00:54:00:11
Kell
And it's got to.
00:54:00:12 - 00:54:04:01
Chris
Yeah. It's great at learning.
00:54:04:03 - 00:54:07:12
Kell
It loves learning.
00:54:07:13 - 00:54:24:08
Chris
What's something that you wouldn't mind teaching? That part of you that attaches? Identity to what you do?
00:54:24:10 - 00:54:47:09
Kell
To recognise that. Okay. I think, and I think a lot of teachers probably resonate with this. A lot that, like, you are the teacher, but you're also like you. It doesn't define who you are. It's a big part of you. But it doesn't just define, you know what you're about and who you are. You know, I know there's a lot of teachers who feel like that.
00:54:47:11 - 00:55:13:12
Kell
Certainly a lot of teachers in my memberships and stuff. There is so much emphasis on them as the teacher that they often find, you know, and even, you know, I'm talking about myself, but I find it hard to detach. You know, themselves from that, and just to be me, just typical like Kel, who is a mom who loves, you know, the beach and the gym and running and, you know, the outdoors.
00:55:13:14 - 00:55:26:23
Kell
I think to separate the the two of me essentially, and focus more on that, like a or not. The teacher.
00:55:27:01 - 00:55:28:05
Chris
Cool.
00:55:28:07 - 00:55:28:21
Kell
Yeah.
00:55:28:23 - 00:55:39:08
Chris
Beautiful. That sounds lovely. And what how would life be different if you could do that?
00:55:39:10 - 00:56:02:07
Kell
Probably not to get so caught up in that. Like the teacher and the push and the drive and the proving and, I do have a really good balance with work now, but I never switch off, like, you know, at 3:00. Whatever. Don't pick up the girls time dancing, cheerleading, all the things we do as busy parents.
00:56:02:07 - 00:56:30:23
Kell
But I'm still thinking, oh, what can I do to make it easier for the teachers to help them, to make them feel like they're, you know, they don't get burnt out like I did. And, you know, that that part of me gets. No, it's hard to switch off. So I think, you know, finding strategies that, you know, help me switch off, in the afternoon from that, from my own self, from my own head.
00:56:31:01 - 00:56:57:15
Kell
I got, you know, now that it's summer again, going back to the beach and, you know, reading, potentially doing some journaling, and I don't have and I, I think I'll share this in one of, the maybe the burnout survey that I don't really have much down, like, mine's always, you know, gym running, you know, busyness, taking the kids everywhere and working through the day.
00:56:57:15 - 00:57:24:14
Kell
But then there's no slow for me. I find it hard to sit on the lounge and just. You, just to relax. But I know that that's definitely a missing ingredient in my life. Just that slow and that that stop and that you know, it's okay to rest. Everything will be okay. Yeah.
00:57:24:15 - 00:57:40:04
Chris
So if you were to to put that into a, an identity type statement, Can you say this in a, in a in your own words, like, what kind of person?
00:57:40:05 - 00:57:40:21
Kell
00:57:40:23 - 00:57:42:12
Chris
Would you be?
00:57:42:14 - 00:57:59:17
Kell
I am a relaxed, rested killer. Not not the mom, not the teacher, not the wife. Yeah. I'm relaxed and rested.
00:57:59:19 - 00:58:26:04
Chris
How can you be both like. What if you were to smush them all together? Oh, well, you got these two beautiful parts, the rested, relaxed kale. And you've got the, who's, like, slow and rest. I say that twice. But then you've got the the teacher, the go, the up, the mom, the cousin, the sister. How can you.
00:58:26:06 - 00:58:34:08
Chris
What does that look like? If they were to come together into this beautiful combo package?
00:58:34:10 - 00:58:37:01
Kell
The combo package would be content.
00:58:37:03 - 00:58:37:22
Chris
Oh.
00:58:38:00 - 00:58:49:07
Kell
Content intent. Content. Live content with the balance. Just content.
00:58:49:09 - 00:58:55:18
Chris
It's content. Can you can you wrap that into a, like an affirmation or a mantra or a statement.
00:58:55:20 - 00:59:00:21
Kell
That,
00:59:00:23 - 00:59:10:13
Kell
I am content with myself. I'm content with my life.
00:59:10:15 - 00:59:14:16
Kell
I don't have any creative juices happening, but I'm sure I'll think of something later.
00:59:14:18 - 00:59:25:01
Chris
That sounded creative. Those beautiful. I'm content with myself. I'm content with my life.
00:59:25:03 - 00:59:28:18
Chris
Sounds nice.
00:59:28:20 - 00:59:34:20
Kell
Okay, so it's kind of like a third one that I'm like another. The third one. Maybe just when I'm content, like.
00:59:34:22 - 00:59:36:16
Chris
I can just.
00:59:36:18 - 00:59:37:23
Kell
Yeah.
00:59:38:01 - 00:59:45:11
Chris
Cool. Yeah. That's a that's a nice little, little, triplicate right there.
00:59:45:13 - 00:59:46:01
Kell
Yeah.
00:59:46:02 - 00:59:53:09
Chris
I'm content with myself. I'm content with my life. I am content.
00:59:53:11 - 00:59:55:18
Kell
I'll be right on that. Damn, guys.
00:59:55:20 - 01:00:13:03
Chris
That's awesome. That's beautiful. Cal, I'm so grateful for you coming on and and chatting with me and having this conversation. I am content that this has been a beautiful, beautiful time.
01:00:13:05 - 01:00:14:03
Kell
01:00:14:05 - 01:00:28:22
Chris
Thank you so much for, sharing your story with me and with our listeners. I also know that that you do great work in this world. Can you do a little plug for what you do right now?
01:00:28:22 - 01:00:50:13
Kell
But please, with me, a couple of things behind me, but, I work with HP teachers in New South Wales, so we have a number of memberships, for kind of six, 7 to 10, we have a special group called the Caps Collective, which is a special HSC course, as well as a health improvement science course in your 1112.
01:00:50:15 - 01:01:13:19
Kell
But look, you know, my mantra has, has been to protect the precious time, energy and wellbeing of our teachers. So if you can find us at the Dot Netcom, or, head over to Instagram. Caleb will talk. Coach, and if you're a teacher outside of New South Wales, we are also looking, at expanding our wings slowly.
01:01:13:21 - 01:01:31:22
Kell
You know, at some point, I know we have a lot, a lot of changes happening in New South Wales. So, Yeah, that's our spot. Yeah. I love what I get to do. I, you know, what happened to me in the classroom, hasn't defined me. And, you know, I see it as a massive silver lining, and, just it made me stronger.
01:01:31:22 - 01:01:54:06
Kell
But obviously, there's still a lot to work through. So. Yeah, if teachers are listening to these, it's really important to talk to someone, like Chris, but also, you know, a trained professional to, to say some support that you need. Anyway. Thanks, Chris. Thanks for making me feel very vulnerable. But, I really enjoyed our discussion.
01:01:54:06 - 01:01:55:01
Kell
The rawness.
01:01:55:04 - 01:02:08:08
Chris
It was awesome. Thank you so much, Kell. All right, well, I will leave, links in the show note to to what you do, Kel. Yeah. Thanks again. We'll hopefully chat to you soon.
01:02:08:10 - 01:02:09:12
Kell
Thanks, Chris.
01:02:09:14 - 01:02:12:08
Chris
All righty. Catch you later.
01:02:12:10 - 01:02:12:18
Kell
You.
01:02:13:00 - 01:02:14:09
Chris
Bye.
01:02:14:11 - 01:02:19:01
Kell
Yeah.
01:02:19:03 - 01:02:29:05
Filly
Thank you so much for listening. We so appreciate you. If you'd like to give us extra smiles, drop us a review and spread the love by sharing this episode.
01:02:29:07 - 01:02:47:14
Chris
You can also write your own state of burnout and the root cause contributors by taking our Ending Body Burnout assessment on our website. And if you're interested in learning about that group one on one ending buddy burnout programs, shoot us a DM via Instagram or Facebook. Have the best day ever.
