00:00:03:07 - 00:00:16:23
Chris
Hello and welcome to the ending Buddy Burnout show. We are your host, Chris and Filly, co-founders of a multi winning functional medicine practice serving busy people with energy, mood and gut issues.
00:00:17:00 - 00:00:24:21
Filly
Well, business, addictive doing, people pleasing and perfectionism might be the norm. It's not normal and it's a major contributor to health issues.
00:00:25:00 - 00:00:38:04
Chris
Our goal with this show is to give you a holistic root root cause approach to healing your body so that you don't have to continue doctor or diet hopping or popping a gazillion supplements hoping something might stick.
00:00:38:05 - 00:00:46:07
Filly
So get ready to heal your body. Get your spark back deeply, connect with yourself, and step into the life of your dreams.
00:00:46:10 - 00:00:55:13
Chris
Let's dive in.
00:00:55:14 - 00:01:06:08
Filly
Hello everybody. Welcome to today's episode. We have a guest expert coming in for a chat today. After our big.
00:01:06:09 - 00:01:07:13
Lora
Launch week.
00:01:07:13 - 00:01:30:04
Filly
And a free coaching week, which I hope you all enjoyed. If you're able to attend live or listening back to the recordings, we have been loving up all the new clients that have joined our ending body burn out method this past week, and also getting some good, rest time and also spending more time with our children before they go back to school, which has been really, really lovely.
00:01:30:07 - 00:02:02:02
Filly
And I have in my heart, an episode brewing around how I manage my energy during launch week, because it is pretty big and pretty intense, and I think it would be really helpful because you might have seasons in your life too, which are more busier than usual. Maybe it's a pattern of yours as well, and you end up crawling out of it at the end of it, which is not a healthy or, I think, resourceful pattern to have.
00:02:02:02 - 00:02:32:10
Filly
So anyway, stay tuned for that. That will be coming. But today we, Chris and I talk to Lora Cheadle, who is an attorney, a TEDx speaker, and a coach who helps organisations and individuals overcome burnout and spark enthusiasm, confidence, and joy. So she is the author of It's Not Burnout, It's Betrayal five Tools to Fuel Up and Thrive and Flaunt and Drop your cover and reveal your smart, sexy and spiritual self.
00:02:32:10 - 00:02:52:14
Filly
I love the title of the book. She's also the host of the Flaunt podcast, which I actually, was on her podcast recently as well. So in the show notes, I'll pop in the link, my episode with her where I talked about burnout from our ending body burnout method angle. But today's conversation was really great.
00:02:52:14 - 00:03:28:07
Filly
Lora is a very charismatic speaker, so I know that you just you're going to love her. And she has some beautiful, succinct ways of talking about burnout, but her expertise is really being able to, tease apart the difference between burnout and betrayal. So she had her own experience of body burnout. After being an attorney and being in that corporate world and, following on from that, she was in a marriage, which she still is in this marriage, by the way.
00:03:28:09 - 00:04:01:17
Filly
It's now healthy and loving and thriving. But there were ten years of her husband cheating on her. And although consciously, she wasn't aware that this was going on unconsciously and energetically, her body knew. So this betrayal, an infidelity of her husband and her own lived experience of this has really helped her to, getting to the intricacies of betrayal, not just from an infidelity point of view, but when you feel like you have been betrayed by someone else.
00:04:01:17 - 00:04:22:15
Filly
And we also dig into what it looks like when there's self betrayal as well. So this will be a really great lesson if you've ever felt betrayed and if you feel like this might be contributing to your physical and mental emotional health. So let's dive into today's episode. It's a really great one.
00:04:22:17 - 00:04:38:03
Chris
Can I guys? And welcome to this episode of The Body Burnout Show. We are excited to have a very special guest on our show today, Lora Chido. Thank you so much, Lora, for coming on to the ending buddy burnout show.
00:04:38:05 - 00:04:42:19
Lora
Thank you so much for having me. I'm really looking forward to this conversation, Tali.
00:04:42:19 - 00:05:09:05
Filly
So, we I'm very excited. We had a little chat last week, and I'm like, I can't wait to interview Lora. It's going to be amazing. So we love to just dive right into the personal stuff with our guests so our listeners can intimately get to know you and also really, like, resonate with you and and to understand how you got into the work around burnout versus betrayal and what's really important to you and close to your heart.
00:05:09:07 - 00:05:15:21
Filly
So are you happy to to take us to the point where you experienced your own body burnout?
00:05:15:23 - 00:05:35:18
Lora
Absolutely. It was kind of a long time coming. It was one of those things where I think, like so many people can relate. You don't see it's coming until all of a sudden you're literally flat on your back, and then you go, oh my gosh, what happened? I was a corporate attorney and I love to my job, but it was a pretty intense job.
00:05:35:20 - 00:05:58:18
Lora
And I had two kids 22 months apart, and my husband started working out of state. So he was gone a lot. And, I had four grandparents that lived nearby, and they were all in various stages of dying. So I kept thinking, well, I'm just going through a tough time. I'm just going through a tough time. It's going to get better power through, have more caffeine.
00:05:59:00 - 00:06:24:16
Lora
You can deal without sleep. It's all going to be okay. And surprise, surprise, it wasn't okay. And I ended up leaving my corporate job and I thought, okay, well, I'm better now. I don't have the stressor of my job, so I'm fine. It's it's just so easy to stay home with two kids 22 months apart. I can I can handle it all.
00:06:24:18 - 00:06:37:16
Lora
And I wasn't doing anything proactively to take care of myself. But because I wasn't working full time, I had this illusion that I was fine, that I was just busy.
00:06:37:18 - 00:06:37:21
Filly
Yeah.
00:06:37:23 - 00:06:48:04
Lora
Until I ended up literally flat on my back on the couch with such severe adrenal fatigue, I couldn't get.
00:06:48:06 - 00:06:48:18
Filly
Up.
00:06:48:20 - 00:06:59:19
Lora
Well yeah. So that's when it was like oh you just can't keep pushing can you.
00:06:59:21 - 00:07:06:01
Filly
Was it exhaustion or did you have any other like symptoms showing up.
00:07:06:03 - 00:07:34:13
Lora
It was mostly exhaustion. Yeah. Some things like psoriasis it was cropping up and I think why am I having psoriasis. This doesn't really make sense. I have always been into fitness, so I tend to eat pretty well. But I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't taking care of my emotions, and I just wasn't. I wasn't prioritising my own well-being.
00:07:34:13 - 00:07:43:13
Lora
I wasn't saying no. I was just always, yes, yes, I can do that. I can work harder. I can make it okay for everybody.
00:07:43:16 - 00:08:05:22
Filly
Yeah, yeah. The rescuer, the people pleaser. So yeah. So I mean that's that's getting into deeper roots. So it wasn't just being busy and it wasn't just work because you'd quit work and it wasn't just being a mom. So what do you feel like was the deeper root cause of, of you getting into that situation in the first place?
00:08:06:00 - 00:08:10:08
Lora
This is going to sound a little bit deep, so I hope I don't lose anybody.
00:08:10:08 - 00:08:11:09
Filly
Here we go. Deep.
00:08:11:10 - 00:08:43:03
Lora
What I okay, good. What I learned later, and we're talking ten years later. I learned that my husband was having an affair the entire time that that was going on. And I really feel like my body knew. My emotions knew on an energetic level. I feel like I must have known on some level, because I was such, I was in fight or flight.
00:08:43:05 - 00:09:10:17
Lora
I was just constantly on. I was constantly pushing, and it truly wasn't until like that ten years later when I learned about his infidelity that I thought, you know what? In a weird way, that makes sense. Yes, there was people pleasing going on. Yes, there was a lot of things going on, but there was also this underlying trauma that I wasn't even consciously aware of.
00:09:10:19 - 00:09:14:15
Lora
And I think that's what was taking me down.
00:09:14:17 - 00:09:34:10
Filly
So interesting. Can you look back in hindsight like were there any signs when you say like energetic energetically? I think I knew it, my body knew. When you look back in hindsight, or was it that there was some relationship cracks or issues and you sort of felt that in your body.
00:09:34:12 - 00:10:00:03
Lora
Yeah. The great, great way to phrase that we had I thought we had a great relationship, a really great relationship. And in any relationship there's still struggle, there's still strength. And we had our fair share of struggle. We had our fair share of strain. I never thought it was serious. I thought it was just normal marital stress, marital strain.
00:10:00:05 - 00:10:30:16
Lora
Now I look back on it and I, I thought my husband was a rock, that he could handle anything. And he lost his brother, to cancer. There were a lot of things going on, and I thought, wow, he's handling it just fine in hindsight now, I see he wasn't handling it. And that again, some of those relationship issues were his cries for help.
00:10:30:18 - 00:10:39:10
Lora
His body burn out. And it impacted me because we were in obviously relationship with each other.
00:10:39:12 - 00:11:08:15
Filly
Yeah. That's huge. Yeah. So you had the burnout or the adrenal fatigue. Both same same same. And then and then this infidelity thing was going on for ten years until you found out did you from the physical side of things in the adrenal fatigue. Did you kind of heal from that? I really wasn't until you discovered your husband cheating on you and you taking action on that and.
00:11:08:18 - 00:11:09:05
Lora
Yeah.
00:11:09:05 - 00:11:09:18
Filly
Yeah.
00:11:09:19 - 00:11:32:17
Lora
I, I healed a bit after the adrenal fatigue. I really started putting up more boundaries. I started not getting up with my high school kids in the morning. I started letting them get up on their own and I would sleep in. So I started prioritising my sleep. Once I started becoming a little bit more aware, like, oh wow, I'm really depleted.
00:11:32:17 - 00:11:55:20
Lora
I'm eating, I'm eating a healthy breakfast, but then I'm not eating all day long, and then I'm cramming in a high carb dinner at night because I'm starving and I'm having blood sugar crashes. So I started really regulating big a little bit more aware of my diet. Yeah. And just putting up more boundaries. And it helped. It definitely helped.
00:11:55:22 - 00:11:58:12
Filly
Yeah. Yeah. That's cool.
00:11:58:14 - 00:12:09:05
Lora
Yeah. But I don't feel like I completely healed until the infidelity came out and we did a lot of healing around that.
00:12:09:06 - 00:12:41:18
Filly
Which makes a lot of sense. Like in our practice, we look at both the physical body and looking at the body systems. You know how that's contributing to someone's health issues, but then also deeper metaphysical issues as well. And, and like one of a part of that is not living a life in alignment, which if you think about like energetic at an energetic level, you, you somehow that things went right with the relationship.
00:12:41:21 - 00:13:03:03
Filly
Well, you know, that's, that's not like living a life in alignment and being true to self and loving self and, you know, so even though it was happening unconsciously, your unconscious mind knew that, yeah, you're in this environment, but that wasn't working for you. That was actually very unkind.
00:13:03:05 - 00:13:32:00
Lora
Yeah. And I love that word in alignment, because my way of coping with all that stress was to put on a happy face and to power through, and we're going to make it okay. And just, you know, not really connecting, not really being vulnerable, not allowing myself the opportunity to stop. And that wasn't in alignment with who I was.
00:13:32:05 - 00:13:32:20
Lora
00:13:32:22 - 00:13:59:00
Filly
Yeah. Yeah. So your your expertise is in the connection between burnout and betrayal. Can you, can you talk about those, those things. Because I think you have a saying it's not burnout, it's actually betrayal. It's like it's been out on the top. But then what's happening underneath. So can you talk about those and the differences between those. So listeners could also identify what's what's going on for them.
00:13:59:00 - 00:13:59:22
Filly
Yeah.
00:14:00:00 - 00:14:25:16
Lora
Oh I'd love to. Yes. Burnout is actually defined as chronic stress that has been unsuccessfully managed. So if you have too much to do and you don't have enough coping skills around the stress, you can use some things like self-care, meditation, breathwork, tapping, and if that lowers your stress level and you feel better, then chances are it is traditional burnout.
00:14:25:18 - 00:14:56:11
Lora
Betrayal is defined as the breaking of an expected passion that you have relied on, that ruptures your view of yourself or the world. So when you have those broken expectations, like my life shouldn't be this way, my marriage shouldn't be this way, this isn't what I signed up for. This isn't how it was supposed to be. When you start feeling disillusioned, it's more than just stress.
00:14:56:13 - 00:15:20:08
Lora
It's that sense of betrayal. And that leads to resentment. That leads to that whole disillusionment that leads to life. I'm not even going to try. I'm just going to start doing bad things because everybody else is lying and cheating and stealing, and they're getting by with it. Why am I trying so hard? Which, to your point, puts you out of alignment and then start showing up in your body?
00:15:20:10 - 00:15:22:20
Lora
00:15:22:22 - 00:15:46:17
Filly
So can you give some like, specific examples around how that did you say broken expectations? How that shows up? So obviously like yours, your personal story was there was this expectation that the marriage was happy and sound and healthy and nourishing and, you know, and true to each other and then broken expectation when you found out, how else does it show up?
00:15:46:17 - 00:15:50:18
Filly
Like is it just in a relationship point of view or otherwise?
00:15:50:18 - 00:16:12:07
Lora
Yeah, I'll give this example because I was just working with a client on this yesterday. With at the end of the year, last year for work, he was asked to give a list of like all the activities that he did for his job. And depending on how many activities that you do that are in support of the job, you might or might not get a bonus.
00:16:12:09 - 00:16:32:23
Lora
Well, he called it this year. He did something like two activities a month. He submitted his four and he was all excited. He's like, yay! I did 24 corporate events. I'm going to get this huge bonus. Well, last week he got a letter. We have you're we're sorry, but you're not getting a bonus this year. These were not corporate first activities.
00:16:32:23 - 00:17:00:01
Lora
These seem like personal activities. So better luck next year. Well, wow. That's a betrayal. Yeah, that's a broken expectation. And there's a lot. There's a lot on both sides. First, the companies should have clarified what kinds of activities do we mean? Do we need them approved first? And he could have gone back and asked them to. But that's a broken expectation and that's the sense of betrayal.
00:17:00:03 - 00:17:20:07
Lora
And when we met for our session he's like, I don't even care. This year. Those were absolutely not personal activities. I don't care about that. That was corporate development. It's not even worth my time and effort next year. And then you get this resistance. I'm not going to try. I'm not going to show up. And that's mean by betrayal.
00:17:20:09 - 00:17:55:11
Filly
Yeah. Okay. I remember when we were communicating via email setting up these podcast interviews and the word betrayal. So I didn't really understand how you were using it initially when you first reached out. Now I do fit the word betrayal too. So like even on a personal level, I don't know, we go right back into childhood or it's like before the age of seven, you, create beliefs about yourself, which when a child is when a baby is born, you're pure potential.
00:17:55:11 - 00:18:19:13
Filly
Like a baby isn't born with. Oh, I'm not good enough. There's something wrong with me. I'm broken. But at some point before the age of seven, something usually happens. Usually it might be shocking and disappointing. And then that child accuses themself of something unkind. So in a way, to like that is a form of of self betrayal.
00:18:19:18 - 00:18:53:02
Filly
Where it's where and and like a child has limited capacity to make sense of what's going on. So it's not like it's the child's fault that they're now burnt out as an adult, but in a way that is a form of self betrayal as well. And so then, like, do you see that showing? Do you dig into that or do you see that as a theme showing up in maybe people getting into situations where it could have been prevented, that betrayal or broken trust or expectation?
00:18:53:04 - 00:18:55:07
Filly
Does that absolute does that make sense for that question?
00:18:55:10 - 00:19:14:13
Lora
Yes, yes it does. And I love that you went back to childhood because that you're right. That's where so much of it begins. And when you think about the stories so many of us are told as kids, if you're a good little girl, you'll get the gold star. If you're a good little boy, it make everybody happy. I'll take you out for ice cream.
00:19:14:15 - 00:19:39:12
Lora
We have this belief ingrained in us that if then. If you're good, then you'll get rewarded. If you work hard, then you'll make money. If you show up at work, then. If then. If then. And the truth of the matter. Yes, there's some correlation between some things, but there's also not correlations between things. You can be the best person in the world.
00:19:39:17 - 00:19:46:02
Lora
I mean, look at the fires in L.A., right now. It's not that only bad people have their houses burned down.
00:19:46:06 - 00:19:47:08
Filly
00:19:47:10 - 00:20:15:18
Lora
You know you can be a really good person. You can do all the right things and bad things can still happen. And it's really hard sometimes to separate and then that is where that self betrayal comes in. Because then you start thinking I did this wrong. I'm not a good person I why did I bother trying? And the truth of the matter is we have to continually question ourselves, give some filter questions.
00:20:15:20 - 00:20:19:13
Lora
Am I doing this with the expectation that I will get something?
00:20:19:15 - 00:20:20:07
Filly
00:20:20:09 - 00:20:46:09
Lora
Yes or no? Most of us is like yeah I'm being nice to you because I think that I'm being this way because I think blah blah blah blah blah, instead of just doing it based on our own desire, it's releasing that attachment to the outcome. I'm showing up and I'm doing this because it is in my heart versus I'm showing up and doing this because I hope you're going to X, Y and Z.
00:20:46:13 - 00:20:47:06
Lora
Yeah.
00:20:47:08 - 00:21:05:03
Filly
Yeah, yeah, that's good. Do you, do you see a connection between say you mentioned busy patterns before when it's like, oh, I got adrenal fatigue and I was exhausted on the couch. And I thought it was just because I was busy.
00:21:05:05 - 00:21:06:08
Lora
Yeah.
00:21:06:09 - 00:21:22:17
Filly
And iterations of those busy patterns too could be things like perfectionism, overachieving, people pleasing. Do you see a connection with that in and betrayal maybe even like on either side. So the person who may have betrayed, but also the person who was betrayed?
00:21:22:19 - 00:21:56:05
Lora
Yes. Oh, and so, so well said about the connection between the two. Because there is that connection the I moved into, I was a perfection host. I absolutely thought I could achieve everything. I thought my worth was around, how good I did and how well I showed up. So because of that, when things would go wrong and not turn out the way I thought they should turn out, I would internalise that and I would have a bit of that martyr energy.
00:21:56:07 - 00:22:05:21
Lora
Nobody sees what I'm doing. Nobody appreciates me here. I am pulling everything together for everybody and nobody knows blah blah blah blah blah blah. And now I let the.
00:22:05:21 - 00:22:07:08
Filly
World know we're.
00:22:07:08 - 00:22:35:07
Lora
Doing that. Yes. It's not was self betrayal. I was betraying myself by putting everybody else's needs first and expecting them to validate me instead of putting my own needs first and validating myself for what I did. And then similarly, like in my my own infidelity story, my husband is a really good person. We're still married, by the way, even after all the infidelity.
00:22:35:09 - 00:23:05:11
Lora
He's a really good person. His acting out in the betrayal was because he was in pain. He was betraying himself by acting it out of alignment with his character. So we were both betraying ourselves. And then obviously he was betraying me, but I was also betraying him in a variety of different ways, too, by not showing up more authentically, by not telling him where I needed help, where I couldn't give anymore.
00:23:05:13 - 00:23:23:22
Lora
So it's like a puzzle and we all, it's that magnetic attraction. And it's not that it's my fault he cheated. It's not. But it's a dance. And we were all doing the dance and we were both betraying ourselves and each other to a certain extent.
00:23:24:00 - 00:23:36:12
Filly
Yeah. What did it look like. What did it look like to overcome that. Had a lot.
00:23:36:14 - 00:24:05:19
Lora
It took a lot of compassion, both for each other and for ourselves. It took a lot of acceptance that my, my perfect life wasn't perfect, that even though I did everything, it still didn't turn out the way I thought it should. My fairy tale was not having a happy ending, and it was really through no fault of my own.
00:24:05:21 - 00:24:30:21
Lora
And that was okay. I could still be happy. There was therapy, there was coaching, there was reading, there was podcasting, there was meditation. There was spiritual work. There was laying on the floor crying and grieving for a lot longer than I thought I could ever be on the floor crying and grieving. And then there was that conscious choice that, you know what?
00:24:30:21 - 00:24:43:14
Lora
This is my life and I deserve the best life possible, and I'm going to do whatever it takes to get happy and to get healthy and to move on.
00:24:43:16 - 00:24:53:01
Filly
Yeah that's huge. And I'm guessing it is the same on husband side as well. Looks similar. Yeah. Yeah.
00:24:53:03 - 00:25:14:20
Lora
Yeah it does look similar. We had different journeys. Yeah. You know like I'd mentioned he's got a lot of trauma in his background. I don't have that much trauma in my background at all. So his work works looked different than mine. But we were both committed to ourselves to our bodies, to our minds, to our spirits, to understanding.
00:25:14:22 - 00:25:24:03
Lora
And you have to I believe you have to do the work for yourself first and then you can lean into the relationship second.
00:25:24:05 - 00:25:53:21
Filly
Yeah, 100%, 100%. It's hard to heal a relationship when you need to upgrade yourself. Yeah. That's. Yes. Otherwise like I mean I Chris and I have shared our story through different podcast episodes. But there was definitely a time where far out he was the most annoying person in the world through my lit through my lenses yesterday. Yeah, I mean like, it pops up every now and then still.
00:25:53:23 - 00:26:16:23
Filly
But, but always all connected to, I mean, I had other things going on, like my body was screaming at me and all sorts of things that I don't know what clicked with the relationship side of things. I think it was it was during Covid and Chris was having the time of his life. He's like lockdowns. Awesome. I love like being at home all day and like homeschooling.
00:26:16:23 - 00:26:40:23
Filly
This is the best. And you know, he wasn't worried about anything. And I was over here in the corner like freaking out and like, we're going to go bankrupt and we're gonna die and like. And so I think that was a big thing because then I'm like, oh, he's having a completely different experience compared to me wearing the exact same situation.
00:26:41:01 - 00:26:49:06
Filly
And he's also the most annoying person in the world. And I didn't know if he thought that I was the most annoying person in the world back then. Maybe. Probably. I was a bit psycho.
00:26:49:08 - 00:26:50:22
Chris
I can get over it.
00:26:51:00 - 00:27:08:04
Filly
But it was. It was very hard to to nourish our relationship until I nourish myself first, like at a deep, a deep soul unconscious level. Not just physical, not just making sure I was eating healthy. Yeah.
00:27:08:06 - 00:27:26:22
Lora
Yeah. Because it's so much deeper than that. It's it's great to start by eating healthy, but you're right, it's so much deeper than that. And identifying those patterns and those beliefs and self-worth and because, yeah, if we're not taking care of ourselves, nobody else is going to take care of us for us.
00:27:27:00 - 00:27:50:18
Filly
And it's also interesting, I was just as I was talking about our story, and then I was thinking about your story at the start where it's like, oh energetically I, I think I knew something was going on. Whenever I have something pop up for myself where it's just like, ooh, beta data that, you know, there's, there's some healing over here, or like, there's a little blind spot that I need to work on.
00:27:50:20 - 00:28:00:00
Filly
It'll always show up in our relationship first. Always like, oh, all of a sudden I'm like, I don't know, like lashing out at you.
00:28:00:00 - 00:28:00:20
Lora
Or something, or you.
00:28:00:20 - 00:28:19:07
Filly
Say something that really triggers me, and then it's like, you know, we'll have, like, a little fight or a blow up in our relationship. And then when I can zoom out and step back, I'm like, oh, actually, you're really good at it. Keeping a clean space around. If it's a relationship issue or a issue, Chris will usually just say, I don't think this is an issue.
00:28:19:07 - 00:28:39:09
Filly
This is a huge issue. And I'm okay. Like, I'm adult and mature enough now to be able to step back in and eight times out of ten it usually is a minor issue. But sometimes I will feel like feel into it. I'm like, no, actually, we need to have a conversation together right now because I don't actually think it's just an issue.
00:28:39:09 - 00:28:41:09
Filly
It's an ass issue.
00:28:41:11 - 00:29:01:14
Lora
Yeah, I love what you just said there that you'll feel into it, because I think there's so much wisdom in that. Is it in that in me? Is it in my body? Is it in us? Base between us? What is it? And sometimes like that I don't know. And it's so easy to just blame and it's so easy to put your head in the sand.
00:29:01:14 - 00:29:15:07
Lora
I'm just going through a phase. It'll get better. And till like that adrenal fatigue happens or something huge happens. Cancer, you know, God forbid something like that. And then you go, oh, I think I should have looked at this earlier.
00:29:15:09 - 00:29:25:18
Filly
Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah. The body will speak eventually. And till you listen. Oh not some people don't listen and they die of cancer.
00:29:25:20 - 00:29:28:05
Lora
Yeah. Yeah.
00:29:28:07 - 00:29:49:10
Filly
Okay. Sorry. Can we dig into a little bit more around the like one's personal identity, their self beliefs and how it plays a role? Like we talked about how that can show up in betrayal and broken expectations. But how does it play a role in healing?
00:29:49:12 - 00:30:12:17
Lora
Oh, so, so good, so good. So much to say here. How it plays a role in healing is when you can really reclaim your identity, and you can know and embrace and share yourself as you are not. I am his wife. I am their mom. I'm an attorney. I am a this, I'm a that. I'm a, you know, political party.
00:30:12:17 - 00:30:42:14
Lora
Religious identification. Who are you with out of those layers, with those layers of identity gone. And for so many people, it almost creates a sense of panic. Like, I don't know, because I am my paycheque, I am my perfect size. Whatever. I am my car, I am my relationships. And then those things that we put on, all of those external factors, those are the things that we can lose.
00:30:42:14 - 00:31:16:03
Lora
Those are the things that shift and change. Who are you without your health? Who are you without your relationship? Who are you? And when you can really start identifying and relating to yourself as that, that's when you become unstoppable, because everything else can be stripped away from you and it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter where I live, who I'm in a relationship with, what my job is.
00:31:16:05 - 00:31:41:09
Lora
I know I am a spark of light. I know I am pure, positive energy, I know who I am at a soul level, and I can be that no matter what, I can be positive. I can be a light in the room if I'm a millionaire or if I'm bankrupt, if I'm married, if I'm single, because that's who I am.
00:31:41:11 - 00:32:00:03
Lora
And to me, that's really the core of healing is returning home to yourself, connecting to yourself. Because when you know who you are, also you can build up anything that you want around you. But it's not until you know who you are.
00:32:00:05 - 00:32:20:06
Filly
I love that. Amen, sister. On the same wavelength. Now that's like even as you're saying and I'm like yeah I know who I am. Like because I've also done the work, but someone else might be listening and be and might be thinking, yeah, easier said than done. Oh yeah.
00:32:20:08 - 00:32:34:14
Lora
And it or it, it is hard. And those little games, it'll be like yes I'll do that after I lose £10. Yeah. Okay. Well I'll be confident after I find my relationship and it's, it's just hard. It it does take time.
00:32:34:16 - 00:32:55:13
Filly
That. Have you had a baby. Do, have you had that little acronym. Yeah. So the way that you were just talking then that would be have have do be like when I have lost ten kilos, then I can be happy and or do the things that I need to do to be the person I want to be.
00:32:55:14 - 00:33:21:14
Filly
So do you have like it also fit any if there's anyone there that's just like, oh, I would love that. But how do I get there? Can you share? And whether it's some coaching questions or some practices that you find really powerful with the work that you do that help someone to get to, to really connecting with who they are and, and feeling that in every cell of their body.
00:33:21:16 - 00:33:40:07
Lora
Yes. One of the practices that I recommend, and it's fun to do. So I want you to do this with a playful attitude, because lay is so important and we are all programmed as beings to play, and we lose our ability to play as we grow up because we think we're too good for that nor too adult for that.
00:33:40:07 - 00:34:01:02
Lora
So this is a playful activity. I want you to think about who you are, where you are right now, and then how you want to be, just like you were talking about with that activity. I want to be free. I want to be happy. I want to be powerful. I want to be whatever it is. What is getting in the way of that?
00:34:01:08 - 00:34:30:17
Lora
What my bad relationship, my extra weight, my stupid boss who is always having me come into bubble block, make a list of those hurdles, those things that are getting in your way. Then find an article of clothing that represents those things right. If it is extra weight, find a heavy coat and put it on this weight. This coat is getting in my way.
00:34:30:19 - 00:34:55:04
Lora
If it's your bad relationship, maybe you'll put on glasses because you're saying, I'm seeing this relationship through a really bad lens, so I'm going to put on these glasses and my boss, my bosses always nagging on me. And maybe it's a hat that represents your career, your boss, physical eyes. Those three issues that are getting in your way.
00:34:55:06 - 00:35:36:12
Lora
Then here's the playful part. I want you to find a piece of music, a song that you love, powerful lyrics. So many people love The Greatest Showman. There's some great songs and that wicked is out right now. There's some great songs in that. Find a song that lights you up, and I want you wearing those three articles of clothing, or however many you have to dance to your song and to take them, with them around the room, and to set those layers and to move freely because you've just physical ways that you've done it.
00:35:36:12 - 00:35:45:12
Lora
And then your body knows I've done it, I've gotten rid of them, and I've played and I've danced and I am all right.
00:35:45:14 - 00:35:50:09
Filly
That's cool. I love button, I love that so go to that.
00:35:50:09 - 00:35:51:03
Chris
That's really cool.
00:35:51:03 - 00:36:18:17
Filly
Yeah. I mean, we do, with our clients who it's like, well, who do you want to be? And, you know, what are some new characters that need to come to the table and usually creating an anchor point for that character. And it might be a piece of clothing or a scent, but I've never, never heard of it or thought about it in terms of, well, actually, let's get some clothing or some anchor like sensory anchor points around the things that it is holding you back, and then like shedding it off.
00:36:18:19 - 00:36:29:23
Filly
I love that. Yeah. Yeah. What is what is been the result or the experience of, of people that you've worked with that have done that?
00:36:30:01 - 00:36:39:11
Lora
Yeah. What's so fun about it is people will say, I thought this was a really big deal holding me back. And now I see there's it's not a big deal.
00:36:39:12 - 00:36:39:21
Filly
Yeah.
00:36:39:22 - 00:36:55:13
Lora
It was all in my head. It was all this perceived blocks, these perceived limitations. There's really no limit here. And it's like yes, you're right. It's what we think is always often worse than what it actually is. Yeah.
00:36:55:14 - 00:37:00:05
Filly
Yeah. And you're choosing to hold on to it. It's not holding on to you.
00:37:00:07 - 00:37:02:04
Lora
Yes. Yeah.
00:37:02:06 - 00:37:09:22
Filly
So cool. Okay. This has been an awesome convo. You've been writing notes. Chris, do you have any questions or anything you wanted to share?
00:37:10:00 - 00:37:11:00
Chris
00:37:13:09 - 00:37:21:06
Filly
Chris is a note taker. He's always, like, doing little diagrams when we're talking to people.
00:37:21:08 - 00:37:36:21
Chris
Your your stories. You obviously it's your it's your story, all right? Like, it's it's very unique to you, but it's so common as well, isn't it? There's,
00:37:36:23 - 00:38:05:00
Chris
So, so much trouble in and of ourselves often reflects into relationships. Then there's then there's another, layer of, of health. So you went into adrenal fatigue? Yeah. Unpack layers of that. This there's physical stuff going on. Yeah. Unpack that even more. There's there's okay. Well, why is that even happening in the first place? There's there's patterns.
00:38:05:00 - 00:38:32:04
Chris
There's behaviours. Wasn't there. There was, there was, you know, you try it, you tried to do the things you tried to do the best you could with what you had. Knowledge wise, resources wise, energy wise. And then yet you still got to a state of of burnout, of relationship burnout as well. But then I think you you took some clear steps, didn't you?
00:38:32:04 - 00:38:38:00
Chris
Like. There was. It wasn't,
00:38:38:02 - 00:38:47:22
Chris
This is the end stuff. You get lost. I don't know if you say that in America. That's very Australian thing. Stuff you might get out of here.
00:38:48:00 - 00:38:49:10
Filly
00:38:49:12 - 00:39:20:13
Chris
You went. You took some steps. You you worked on you. He worked on him. Your husband worked on him. But I love your. I love your point around betrayal, resentment, acting out of alignment and then just coming back to you. So many people don't. They live in a fairytale land. They don't really, they don't pay attention to how they are or who they are.
00:39:20:15 - 00:39:43:10
Chris
And they, they they live by. Should I we in Australia, we call getting stuck up, s h creek. So I call it getting stuck up. Should creek and and, and I think that's what happens a lot of the time isn't it. Like we, we, we get stuck up should creek. I should be like this. I shouldn't be, unhappy.
00:39:43:10 - 00:40:02:12
Chris
I should be grateful. I should, do this. I should be that. And then when we can't be who we think we we should be. We have this. I don't know who I am anymore. We all break down this existential crisis of self, this breakdown of identity, right?
00:40:02:14 - 00:40:26:15
Lora
Yes. So. Well summed up. Yes. And also that ego. I, you know, that ties into that, that I should be better and I should be smarter and humbling yourself is hard. It is hard. It is hard to say, I don't know. I must have been doing this wrong. I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's a belief.
00:40:26:15 - 00:40:34:18
Lora
I don't know if it's in my body. I don't know what it is, but I'm not happy. Help me.
00:40:34:20 - 00:40:36:11
Filly
Yeah, yeah.
00:40:36:13 - 00:40:48:09
Chris
Yeah, I must be doing it wrong. Yeah. That's so powerful. That's so powerful.
00:40:48:11 - 00:40:53:20
Filly
This has been a great conversation. Thank you so much.
00:40:53:21 - 00:40:58:00
Lora
It really has. Then I feel like we've all kind of cleared a lot.
00:40:58:02 - 00:40:59:05
Filly
Haha.
00:40:59:07 - 00:41:01:04
Lora
Yeah.
00:41:01:06 - 00:41:24:18
Filly
I do have one more question and maybe, maybe you, you sharing this. The practice earlier might be the answer. But if there's also something else. So if someone is listening to it and they are, really resonating with, it's like, yeah, I have had betrayal and there has been broken expectations. And they want to find their sparkle again and, and reclaim their sense of self.
00:41:24:18 - 00:41:33:10
Filly
What would what would you say? Like what are some initial first steps that people could take to start returning back to self?
00:41:33:12 - 00:42:06:00
Lora
Building on what I said earlier about play and Sun, nobody ever leans in to do hard work and stays doing the hard work. If it's miserable. Whatever you can do to make it fun for yourself is going to make you keep returning to it. So using laughter, using humour, finding, you know, people like you that people can laugh with, make it light-hearted, make it fun, make it enjoyable.
00:42:06:02 - 00:42:33:09
Lora
Transformation does take work, but it doesn't have to be painful. Give yourself breaks. Last play experiment. When you fail, laugh about it. Oh my gosh, I was going to totally eat great and I was going to workout and look at 730 at night. I all I've eaten is chocolate because I've been too tired and I'm not getting to the gym today.
00:42:33:11 - 00:42:45:07
Lora
I don't need to beat myself up. I need to laugh about it. I need to relax and I need to just plan better tomorrow. Don't take it so seriously. Make it joyful.
00:42:45:08 - 00:43:12:21
Filly
Yeah, I love that. That's so good. We have a saying force. Force and not force flow. Not force. And to get into flow to it can definitely look like play and laughter and joy and curiosity and. Yeah, rather than self-judgment, fear. Got to do the thing so much more enjoyable to and it and actually that is healing.
00:43:12:23 - 00:43:23:02
Filly
I don't think I've ever worked with someone who has been able to heal when they forced their way to it and like, packed more pain into the process.
00:43:23:04 - 00:43:40:08
Lora
Yeah, yeah. I mean, I like to think about when we are kids, we learn how to walk, we learn how to talk, we learn how to do all the things by playing. We develop the skills by playing. We're not like, you will sit up by Thursday and you will walk by Monday.
00:43:40:10 - 00:43:50:19
Filly
Yeah. Yes. Or else. It's so true. It's like, hey, you fell down. That's it. Okay. Jump up, kiss you. Let's do it again.
00:43:50:21 - 00:43:57:17
Lora
And the strength is built by play. And the strength is built by swinging and playing and reaching for toys. It's built for fun.
00:43:57:22 - 00:44:10:21
Filly
Yeah, I love that. So how can people find you? And you've also got a free download. Do you have to talk about that? And, and where people can find you if they want to connect and learn more?
00:44:10:23 - 00:44:40:09
Lora
Yeah, absolutely. My free download is a burn out uncovered. It's a guide to help you uncover and figure out what might be really going on with your burn out. You can go to it's not burnout, it's betrayal.com, and there's no apostrophes there. It's just it's not burnout, it's betrayal.com. And you can download that guide. You can also find me on my website, workplace burnout.com.
00:44:40:11 - 00:44:49:02
Filly
Awesome. Thank you. I'll make sure those links are in the show notes so people can easily find them. Well thank you, thank you.
00:44:49:03 - 00:44:54:02
Chris
It was awesome. Awesome having you on the podcast. Yeah. Awesome having a conversation.
00:44:54:04 - 00:44:58:10
Lora
Thank you so much. I really enjoyed today. Thank you for having me.
00:44:58:12 - 00:45:06:13
Chris
Cheers. All right Lora, take good care and thank you everyone. We'll see you next time.
00:45:06:15 - 00:45:16:17
Filly
Thank you so much for listening. We so appreciate you. If you'd like to give us extra smiles, drop us a review and spread the love by sharing this episode.
00:45:16:19 - 00:45:42:17
Chris
You can also write your own state of burnout and the root cause contributors by taking our Ending Body Burnout assessment on our website and if you're interested in learning about that group one on one ending buddy burnout programs, shoot us a DM via Instagram or Facebook. Have the best day ever.
00:45:42:19 - 00:45:43:08
Chris
For.
