00:00:03:07 - 00:00:16:23
Chris
Hello and welcome to the ending Buddy Burnout show. We are your host, Chris and Filly, co-founders of a multi winning functional medicine practice serving busy people with energy, mood and gut issues.
00:00:17:00 - 00:00:24:21
Filly
Well, business, addictive doing, people pleasing and perfectionism might be the norm. It's not normal and it's a major contributor to health issues.
00:00:25:00 - 00:00:38:04
Chris
Our goal with this show is to give you a holistic root root cause approach to healing your body so that you don't have to continue doctor or diet hopping or popping a gazillion supplements hoping something might stick.
00:00:38:05 - 00:00:46:07
Filly
So get ready to heal your body. Get your spark back deeply, connect with yourself, and step into the life of your dreams.
00:00:46:10 - 00:00:57:11
Chris
Let's dive in.
00:00:57:13 - 00:01:27:05
Chris
All righty. Welcome, everybody, to this episode of the Body Burnout Show. We have a very special guest on our call today. We have Mel, and we are going to be doing a live coaching session today. And I enjoy these sessions because we get a real opportunity to chat to someone real. I can ask Mel some questions, find out more about her, and really hone in on a problem that she's got.
00:01:27:10 - 00:01:41:18
Chris
And funny sessions are really cool because it's real world. It's not made up. It's not pretend. So, welcome, Mel. Thank thanks so much for, for coming in and jumping into the hot seat.
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Mel
My pleasure.
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Chris
Real quick for for our listeners. Who are you and where do you live? What do you do? Give us a little rundown on on Mel.
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Mel
No worries. All right. I'm mel. I live in Adelaide, South Australia, where about, half an hour out of the city live about five minutes to the beach, which we love. Nice. I am 42 years old. I'm a teacher. I'm a Japanese teacher. And I work in a primary school about 20 minutes away. I have three children.
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Mel
They're almost 14. 11 and five. And I've been married for almost 17 years.
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Mel
And, Yeah, I love.
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Mel
Quite a social person, I love socialising. I love my job. I take great, sense of pride and achievement through. Through what I do each day. I feel very blessed to do it.
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Mel
And. Yeah.
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Mel
And I'm insanely busy. A as most mums are, I think. But yeah, there's a lot going on. I'm a bit of a chronic overachiever, and I, I'm a bit of a yes person. I try and add value wherever I go. So I tend to say, oh, do that, I'll do that. And then I tend to sort of crash and burn every now and then.
00:03:07:11 - 00:03:24:06
Mel
I can mostly keep it together. But yeah. So, a generally a pretty hippy, down to earth person, but yeah, I have my, my periods of, extreme stress, I think just juggling it all. But yeah, that's a little bit about me.
00:03:24:08 - 00:03:48:01
Chris
Cool. So. Well, I, I, I'm pretty sure almost all of our listeners will resonate in some sort of a way, an overachiever, chronic overachiever, a yes person, but then also resonating with, crashes and burn side of things as well. Hey.
00:03:48:03 - 00:03:48:17
Mel
Can you.
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Mel
I'm not someone who gets sick very often, but over the last couple of years, I've got more colds and things, and I'm. I generally eat quite well. I haven't exercised very much for a while because my motivation and my energy is so low. So I'm struggling with that. But I'm just finding if I don't get on to it now, I'm just setting myself up for, some really bad patterns.
00:04:10:00 - 00:04:23:19
Mel
I think some things of creeping in. And that's why I thought, well, yeah, certainly open to chatting to an expert about where to from here for me. So and putting myself first instead of like my job and my kids and, and all of that at the moment.
00:04:23:19 - 00:04:53:19
Chris
So yeah. Okay. So, let's, let's can I just dig a little bit more into these crashes and burns a little bit? And just ask you, like, when's the last time you felt like you're I'm. I just watched a rocket Land on YouTube. I pointed over there because that's where I was standing, actually. I was I was watching, I don't even know.
00:04:53:22 - 00:05:17:03
Chris
Maybe it was like, Elon Musk kind of rocket or something. Landed the other day, and I was watching the landing and it was coming down, and it was kind of like sideways. And then it was like lots of fire and then it, like, landed, and it was like, sweet. But then, that got me clicking on the next video and I've seeing rockets.
00:05:17:05 - 00:05:45:15
Chris
Catastrophically crash and burn and, really sad loss of loss of valuable resources, loss of life. You know, that's a rocket. And I'm imagining when someone says crash and burn the. That's that's what goes straight to my head. What what's what are you seeing in your mind when you say crash and burn? What does that bring up for you?
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Mel
Yeah, well.
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Mel
I guess I don't tend to, like, completely lose the plot, if that makes sense. But what I noticed is, snappy at home. I'm very anxious. So little things triggered me, and I. Because I hold it in all day. I work with some very challenging children, and then I come home after a busy day at work, and I just stress out over tiny little things on like, yell more at my kids, which I hate doing.
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Mel
Yeah, more stuff with my partner.
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Mel
And, yeah, just.
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Mel
I just find I'm in a state of fight or flight all the time. So, as I said, not necessarily getting sick per se.
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Mel
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Mel
I get more headaches, and I do have some issues with my posture, with my neck, so I have to be mindful of that. So I see a physiotherapist quite regularly. And then things will improve for a bit. But then I'm just so busy I just sort of find it hard, prioritising things and just sort of feeding everything into my day so it can get very overwhelming.
00:06:55:06 - 00:07:14:19
Mel
And, and then I sort of, I'm like, my neck gets worse, all my energy levels get worse, and then like, I'm alright for a few weeks and then I'm bad for a few weeks. So it's just kind of this constant up and down for me, I think is probably the best way of describing it. But I have been unwell just over the last few days.
00:07:14:19 - 00:07:32:01
Mel
Of course, something, yeah. I think it's just starting to catch up with me a little bit. In that way. I do tend to bounce back quickly because I do. One thing I do really try throughout is I still tend to maintain fairly good habits with eating regularly.
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Mel
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Mel
Getting lots of veggies in and and things like that. I really value, the, the role that food has to play in my life. And I, I do have like I am put, I have put on weight over the Luffy's, but I still feel like I'm a relatively healthy person, if that makes sense. On the inside.
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Mel
Yeah.
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Chris
Okay. Thanks for that. That sounds sounds familiar. No doubt our listeners are going. Yeah. Oh, I meant sister. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like it, it's it's such a common, story crash, burn cycle. It's not just a crash burn event. It's a cycle. Hey.
00:08:19:18 - 00:08:20:12
Mel
Yeah.
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Mel
And I tend to find I'm like, I have these periods of time throughout the year where I'm like, okay, I've got this, this and this happening. I get through to that. I've just got to get through to that. And then that happens and I kind of relax for a few days, and then I've got the next big thing happening, and I'm kind of this living for these big events and these like building up to things.
00:08:38:05 - 00:08:53:08
Mel
And I also feel that I'm not just kind of living in the moment. I'm kind of like, okay, I've got to do this, this and this and this is happening. And I do tend to find, the mindset around that. I'm noticing that more interesting.
00:08:53:10 - 00:09:08:08
Chris
Super interesting. Super interesting. Okay. So is there anything else, anything else that you think is interesting or bits of insights like you're noticing that you're not living in the moment? I write that down. That's interesting.
00:09:08:13 - 00:09:33:12
Mel
I don't my sleep gets affected horribly. So like, I find it really hard switching off, but not once in my sleep. I generally stay asleep. But I'm a notorious night owl. I, I am up meal prepping at night. I'm getting kids lunches made. I'm also then vegging out watching Netflix while I'm doing stuff so I'm not working as effectively.
00:09:33:12 - 00:09:42:08
Mel
And then I'm getting to bed. I very rarely get to bed in a sleep before 1130 every night, and then I'm up by seven 730. So I know.
00:09:42:11 - 00:09:43:18
Mel
That I'm not.
00:09:43:20 - 00:10:06:22
Mel
Getting enough sleep. And like for years and years I would someone that could just get by on 6 or 7 hours sleep and be completely fine. But I think now that I'm, I'm getting older, I'm, you know, my the gynaecologist when I caught up with her over recent time said, yes, you're definitely in perimenopause. So things are happening there hormonally that are new as well that I'm experiencing.
00:10:07:00 - 00:10:09:15
Mel
And I just don't think I can maintain.
00:10:09:17 - 00:10:10:02
Mel
That.
00:10:10:07 - 00:10:28:23
Mel
Lifestyle that I've had so far, if that makes sense. Yeah. I'm like, I need to make some some changes because, yeah, I need to get more sleep. And I know that if I get more sleep, energy will improve, but I just can't seem to break those bad habits around my night time activities.
00:10:29:01 - 00:10:34:02
Chris
Got a.
00:10:34:04 - 00:10:59:22
Chris
But yeah, Filly and I recorded a podcast yesterday. Depends on when this, I don't know when this one's kind of come out, but yesterday in time, it's where October. Right now. But we we recorded one on, Oh. Fetch. What's it called? Sleep revenge. Oh, man. I can't remember the title. This is awful.
00:11:00:00 - 00:11:24:20
Chris
Oh, revenge. Sleep procrastination. I'm pretty sure that's what it is. So when you don't get enough me time. Well, during the day, at the end of the. At the end of the day, when it's just you and you have all the you time, the all, all of the time available to Netflix and meal prep and this sort of stuff.
00:11:24:20 - 00:11:32:22
Chris
It's, I've been hanging out for this, and then then it's time you get the ability. No one's in your way. Everyone's asleep. Except for you.
00:11:33:00 - 00:11:36:10
Mel
Yeah, yeah, actually, you didn't say that, so it's not.
00:11:36:10 - 00:11:42:07
Mel
Ours, if that makes sense. Like, I like just sort of being able to just take it easy and Potter and the kitchen and do that.
00:11:42:07 - 00:11:44:11
Mel
But,
00:11:44:13 - 00:12:04:07
Mel
Yeah, I just, I recognise that I'm just not getting to bed early enough. And the last few nights I've tried to have less screen time before bed, but I've been reading instead. So it's not like comment on like replacing something with something else. And whilst reading at night is better than being on a screen, I recognise that I'm still very.
00:12:04:09 - 00:12:21:06
Mel
I'd almost call myself a bit addictive in the things that I do do. At times I find it hard, like last night I was in bed by ten on like, right, I'm going to read for half an hour. It was 1130 when I turned off my lamp because I just couldn't put my book down. And it's a book I've read before, so I don't know what it is.
00:12:21:06 - 00:12:32:09
Mel
It's this book, this block that I have about just turning things off or closing the book and then just going, I need to go to sleep.
00:12:32:11 - 00:12:37:06
Chris
Okay.
00:12:37:08 - 00:12:59:03
Chris
What why is it so important to, by the way? The reason I ask. Okay. In your mind, you're thinking this is a real problem for me because XYZ at an ABC and you're picturing something going on, but then there might be somebody listening to this and they'd be like, oh, 1130 crap. I'm like 3:30 a.m.. She's she's going to bed so early.
00:12:59:05 - 00:13:25:20
Chris
And then other people would be like 1130. Holy smokes. It's like almost my wake up time. Like, how does she stay up so late? And, like, you know, like, for you, like, we're all different. In your mind, why are you saying, why are you seeing 1130, reading a book, putting her in the kitchen. Like, why is this panning out to be a problem for you?
00:13:25:22 - 00:13:30:09
Chris
Not saying. And I'm not saying it's not, because obviously it is for you.
00:13:30:11 - 00:13:31:04
Mel
I actually.
00:13:31:04 - 00:13:50:15
Mel
Think it stems down to self-control. I have a lack of self-control. And that's what worries me, because I am a bit of a control freak in so many other ways. A lot of teachers are, like, you interviewed teachers. You'll probably find that is quite a normal thing for us. But then when it comes to this, this routine at night time, I have no self-control at all.
00:13:50:15 - 00:13:53:22
Mel
And that worries me. I think that's what it is.
00:13:54:00 - 00:14:00:15
Chris
Okay, fine.
00:14:00:17 - 00:14:06:05
Chris
Are you sure? Is that is that the real problem? Are you sure that's a real problem?
00:14:06:07 - 00:14:22:00
Mel
Well, I think that's certainly part of it, but I think the other part is in, like, I know that I need to get more sleep. I know that that's what my body is needing. Yet I'm not giving it. I'm not honouring my body in that way. And that's.
00:14:22:00 - 00:14:23:18
Mel
Frustratingly.
00:14:23:20 - 00:14:51:16
Chris
Okay, here we go. So so that's the that's what you're aware of. Like, that's the thing. I'm aware I need more sleep, but then then it's like. That's that's kind of still solution, isn't it. Like, what's the what's the problem there. Like why you why are you why are you attaching sleep to the solution. Like what with what kind of be something else?
00:14:51:16 - 00:14:59:14
Chris
Why can't you stay up, and then sleep in or, you know, like what? Why sleep? Why sleep?
00:14:59:18 - 00:15:32:05
Mel
I think that the one that makes the most logical sense, like body needs sleep, body needs nutritious food, body needs exercise, like those three things. And just like cornerstones of healthy living, I guess. And and I'm doing one of those things pretty well at the moment. Or at least I've, I have been like, I'm in a period where I am eating well and like looking to improve that, but there's like there's no energy for the exercise or motivation.
00:15:32:07 - 00:15:39:06
Mel
So I guess in my mind, like I will if I'm getting more sleep, going to feel more energetic and then that may help me.
00:15:39:06 - 00:15:40:03
Mel
Then with.
00:15:40:05 - 00:15:45:07
Mel
Wanting to exercise as well.
00:15:45:08 - 00:16:14:15
Mel
So to me, it's it's like a logical system of okay, if I do x, Y, and z, these things will naturally improve. And that's so it's within my control to do that to help improve my sleep patterns. But as I said, I just it's within my control. But I just have terrible self control. So I'm just like s a bit frustrated that something so simple just making, well, it sounds it should be simple, but I find it anything that.
00:16:14:17 - 00:16:19:21
Chris
Okay.
00:16:19:23 - 00:16:47:02
Chris
All right. So you have the life that you wanted, like you wanted this. At one point you walked into Telstra and you bought the phone. You signed the contract at one point in time, you've decided that Geez, flammnn’ ,I know what I have to do. This is. This is a great idea. I need an iPhone, whatever. Or I know what I need to do.
00:16:47:04 - 00:17:03:21
Chris
I need to go and sign a contract on a house. I know what I need to do. I need to sign a contract on a teaching gig for a Japanese teacher. I know what I have to do. I need to stay up late so that I can meal prep and get this done. And the benefit of that is that I get to be myself.
00:17:03:22 - 00:17:32:03
Chris
Yay! That's what I really just have been craving. This is amazing. This beautiful time where I get to be by myself. I get to have some time. Oh no. Miss, miss miss or mom? Mom, mom or honey, honey, honey. It's just me. With me. And so you sign the contract. You just like it. Don't even care about the fine print.
00:17:32:03 - 00:17:48:03
Chris
Give me the. Give me the iPhone. Give me the teaching. Give me the house. Give me the 1130 bedtime. I want this.
00:17:48:05 - 00:17:58:23
Chris
So at one point, you signed that you wanted that you have the life that you wanted.
00:17:59:01 - 00:18:01:14
Mel
Yeah, I guess so.
00:18:01:16 - 00:18:05:09
Mel
I do like, I, definitely have aspects of it that I kind.
00:18:05:09 - 00:18:07:09
Mel
Of want to,
00:18:07:11 - 00:18:22:13
Mel
I want to be different. I want to make some changes so that I'd like to be a morning person. I'd like to be able to, get up early and get my workout in before I go. Like, so I start off the day with me time, even if it's a walk or something.
00:18:22:15 - 00:18:23:17
Mel
I just.
00:18:23:19 - 00:18:41:08
Mel
I see people that do that and I think, oh, I want that too. I really want to be a morning person rather than a night person, or at least, you know, a few days a week getting up a bit extra early so that I can sort of take care of that. I actually would really love if that came naturally, but it doesn't.
00:18:41:10 - 00:18:42:01
Mel
So I feel.
00:18:42:01 - 00:18:43:16
Mel
Like,
00:18:43:18 - 00:18:47:12
Mel
Perhaps there are things that I can do to help.
00:18:47:14 - 00:18:49:11
Mel
Yeah, help.
00:18:49:12 - 00:18:54:16
Mel
Get me to that point, or I can do that because I just kind of think,
00:18:54:18 - 00:19:15:09
Mel
I'm like, sorry.
00:19:15:11 - 00:19:24:19
Mel
What I'm doing right now isn't really sustainable in the long term.
00:19:24:21 - 00:19:31:17
Mel
So I guess if I can write some of these changes now, I can,
00:19:31:19 - 00:19:36:13
Mel
I guess just be healthier, be happier, and,
00:19:36:15 - 00:19:44:15
Mel
And also help influence my kids to be healthier, too, and to be more active and.
00:19:44:17 - 00:19:45:22
Mel
Because we are.
00:19:46:00 - 00:19:55:15
Mel
With such a busy family, my kids don't do a huge amount of extracurricular activities or whatever, but on the weekends, because,
00:19:55:17 - 00:20:23:17
Mel
Because my husband and I are so tired and, we just have no motivation. We just spend a lot of time sitting around doing nothing. And, I don't think that's right for the kids either. Like, they like a bit of downtime. I think that's important. But we should be out and about doing other things and, Like, I want them to be at different, enjoy going out and exercising and.
00:20:23:19 - 00:20:24:19
Mel
And doing things like.
00:20:24:19 - 00:20:30:04
Mel
It doesn't have to be an organised sport, but like, let's go on a family walk or
00:20:30:06 - 00:20:32:10
Mel
Like we have kayaks. I mean, we've done that a few times.
00:20:32:10 - 00:20:34:14
Mel
And we, we all enjoy that, that.
00:20:34:16 - 00:20:42:08
Mel
Just being motivated to go, okay, let's load up the kayaks, study like 10 to 15 minutes for us to go and do those sorts of activities. But we just.
00:20:42:08 - 00:20:58:15
Mel
Aren't motivated to do it because we're just so stuffed from a busy day. Yeah.
00:20:58:17 - 00:21:10:17
Chris
And what does that mean about you? Feel so staff, so tired. Who are you?
00:21:10:19 - 00:21:14:03
Mel
I guess just, Yeah.
00:21:14:03 - 00:21:19:03
Mel
We're just existing, I suppose. Like, there's some great moments in there. Don't get.
00:21:19:03 - 00:21:21:05
Mel
Me wrong.
00:21:21:07 - 00:21:22:22
Mel
And there will be times where we do go out.
00:21:22:22 - 00:21:24:01
Mel
And, like.
00:21:24:03 - 00:21:39:07
Mel
You know, we go out and spend time with our family quite often and do family dinners and and things like that. They might be like a picnic, catch up with friends. And so there's things that are peppered throughout there. But as a general rule, we just spend a lot of time recovering.
00:21:39:09 - 00:21:46:00
Mel
Yeah. Gotcha. Yeah, yeah.
00:21:46:02 - 00:21:54:19
Mel
So I guess, and I feel like if I don't like the changes, it's not going to come from anywhere else.
00:21:54:21 - 00:22:06:21
Mel
Because my husband was just not a he's such a homebody. He's never been one that wants to go out and do a lot anyway. So it always has to be driven from myself. And then like.
00:22:06:21 - 00:22:10:01
Mel
If I'm not motivated, it's just, I don't know.
00:22:10:02 - 00:22:11:14
Mel
I just think.
00:22:11:16 - 00:22:24:14
Mel
We just need some changes. Where is the family and and of course that's down to mom, isn't it?
00:22:24:15 - 00:22:28:02
Mel
So yeah, it could be.
00:22:28:04 - 00:22:32:20
Chris
Could become that could come down to you. Hey like maybe.
00:22:32:22 - 00:22:36:00
Mel
Well, 17 years later, I'm telling you, it's it comes from.
00:22:36:00 - 00:22:37:12
Mel
Mom's. Gotcha.
00:22:37:17 - 00:23:02:21
Mel
I love my husband dearly, but he's not the motivator. On the motivator. Like. And, like, he's he's, he's making some small changes with his diet and lifestyle as well. So I think will have an impact, certainly. And I'm trying to encourage that as well. That. Yeah. As I said, I'm the one to say let's do this or I've talked to them and like this is what we're going to do.
00:23:02:21 - 00:23:15:09
Mel
And then he's happy to go along with it. But I kind of have to do all the yeah, all the mental load, I guess is with me and like, yeah, I've had those conversations with him before, but he just doesn't get it, I think.
00:23:15:11 - 00:23:15:22
Mel
Yeah.
00:23:16:00 - 00:23:29:10
Mel
Not the same way, you know, like, the kids have got this, this and this during the week. So this has to happen before this and like, man, this maybe this is a bit of a generalisation, but I think most men don't think that way. They don't think about that I.
00:23:29:12 - 00:23:32:04
Mel
They're a little bit more,
00:23:32:06 - 00:23:38:06
Mel
One task at a time kind of people. Whereas I think women naturally have 100 things ticking over in their mind.
00:23:38:06 - 00:23:41:23
Mel
So yeah. And that.
00:23:41:23 - 00:23:43:19
Mel
Yeah, that's very draining.
00:23:43:21 - 00:23:49:00
Mel
When you're the one carrying that for everyone. And yeah.
00:23:49:02 - 00:24:05:02
Chris
So yeah, you've signed the contract for this. This is this is how you want to live your life. And it sounds like it has to come from me. It has to come from, you know, like, this is it. This is a game you want to play. If that's the way you want to your your family to run.
00:24:05:02 - 00:24:16:00
Chris
If you want to be the motivator, you just keep finding reasons and ways to to build that out and to to play that game. Hey.
00:24:16:02 - 00:24:18:14
Mel
Yeah. Yeah, I feel that's.
00:24:18:14 - 00:24:21:11
Mel
Probably pretty accurate.
00:24:21:13 - 00:24:25:05
Mel
Yeah.
00:24:25:07 - 00:24:31:15
Chris
So. Okay.
00:24:31:17 - 00:25:09:16
Chris
Like there's a there's a reason why you're, stuffed. There's the, tie guy. Let me draw. I'm going to draw a picture. Let me draw a picture. Okay. Here we go. So. Stuffed. This is I am stuffed on the weekend. All right. If, this is the, after the weekend. So this is the the start of the week, like,
00:25:09:18 - 00:25:35:01
Chris
Okay, this is the start of the week. Something happens here that gets you here, and it's it to get to being being stuffed, a feeling stuffed. There's decisions, there's choices, there's priorities. There's thoughts, there's feelings. There's there's a whole bunch of stuff that gets you stuffed.
00:25:35:02 - 00:25:37:17
Mel
Yeah.
00:25:37:19 - 00:25:57:11
Chris
Can we chat about this life and choices and priorities and decisions. That lead you to feeling stuffed? What? What does that look like? Like in the in the wake. Now, we've talked about this a little bit. Yes. Sleep sleeps in there.
00:25:57:13 - 00:25:59:10
Mel
00:26:00:16 - 00:26:06:20
Chris
It sleeps great, I love it. You know what else is great?
00:26:06:22 - 00:26:07:15
Mel
What.
00:26:07:17 - 00:26:34:17
Chris
Like morphine? What's the stuff that they they they give you happy gas to to make you fall asleep in surgeries. Right. That's that's great. Full sleep. You can be able to not be conscious when, when you have bits and pieces cut out or cut into when you go into surgeries, if you like me, you wake up in surgeries whenever you go for surgery because you're big dude and I don't give you enough gas.
00:26:34:19 - 00:26:35:20
Chris
That's happiness. Three times.
00:26:35:20 - 00:26:36:14
Mel
Scary.
00:26:36:16 - 00:26:44:18
Chris
Yeah, I wake up one time, I'm like, well, I'm meant to be awake. And I go.
00:26:44:20 - 00:26:45:22
Mel
As a.
00:26:46:00 - 00:27:18:14
Chris
Segue, okay, so nothing's a problem until it is. Everything's okay till it's not. Sometimes we can take the Panadol to cover up the pain. We can mask, we can manage, we can medicate these things just, so that we can keep doing what we're doing. If I'm banging my head on the wall and I want to keep banging my head on the wall, even though I'm getting cut open and bruised and things like that, I'll take a Panadol and I'll put on a helmet.
00:27:18:16 - 00:27:44:17
Chris
Bang. Yes. Now I'm don't hurt when I'm hitting the wall. I can keep going. I can keep banging my head on the wall. And when the helmet breaks or the Panadol wears off, I put I pop more pills, I put on a new helmet. And so at the moment, I don't know if I'm convinced maybe you are, but I don't know if I'm convinced that sleep's not searching for sleep, searching for recovery on the weekend.
00:27:44:17 - 00:27:50:08
Chris
I'm not convinced that this isn't a management for a greater problem.
00:27:50:10 - 00:27:57:13
Mel
Yeah. It's fear.
00:27:57:15 - 00:28:09:20
Chris
You mentioned your, your crash and burn cycle. Your neck.
00:28:09:22 - 00:28:14:23
Mel
00:28:15:09 - 00:28:24:21
Chris
Why are you. And then you talk about chronic overachiever, right. To start, you're a yes person.
00:28:24:23 - 00:28:25:07
Mel
Yeah.
00:28:25:07 - 00:28:42:04
Mel
We just for a bit of context. So I'm not only a Japanese teacher, I'm a secretary of the Japanese Teachers Organisation of South Australia. So I have regular meetings. And because I'm a secretary, I have an email account for that. So I have my personal email. I have my JL Tessa email, my the one the Japanese teaching.
00:28:42:09 - 00:28:50:06
Mel
I have my school email. I have an email for some church related stuff that I do. So there's point on accounts that I'm managing.
00:28:50:06 - 00:28:55:04
Mel
Just that's pretty overloading. And then.
00:28:55:08 - 00:29:21:15
Mel
You know, you have your day to day, like planning and, and getting resources ready to teach, which is full on as it is. And then I'm stupidly doing extra certification at the moment because I'm wanting to head towards leadership over the next few years. As the kids get a bit older, because I've just stepped in as the acting deputy at my school for, six weeks.
00:29:21:15 - 00:29:23:17
Mel
So I was did time.
00:29:23:19 - 00:29:25:20
Mel
Yeah.
00:29:25:22 - 00:29:42:15
Mel
So I do have a love leading. I love that leadership. I love mentoring of the Japanese teachers. I do feel, I'm skilled in that and I get great joy out of doing that. So I that's certainly not something I want to stop, but I just have so many things I've got going at once. And then that's.
00:29:42:15 - 00:29:43:12
Mel
On top of.
00:29:43:14 - 00:30:05:14
Mel
Obviously three children. Yeah. Trying to make sure their needs are met. And just like cleaning in my house at the moment is just bare minimum. We're just surviving. And then we do spend a lot of the time on Saturday, Friday night, Saturday cleaning up because it's just a disaster during the week, because we just do not have the energy or time to kind of tackle it.
00:30:05:15 - 00:30:15:12
Mel
And my kids are certainly stepping up and doing more, which is great. We expect a bit more then of them than maybe other parents do. Based on.
00:30:15:16 - 00:30:16:22
Mel
Like.
00:30:17:00 - 00:30:35:22
Mel
What I talk about with my, other mum friends. But but there's still a lot that's, that's sort of that tends to get left to me like the laundry and that sort of thing. But, because when you've got five people in the family, you're going to do a lot of laundry. So, yeah, there's a lot of stuff that sort of gets packed into that week.
00:30:35:22 - 00:30:55:07
Mel
And I only work four days a week. Normally I've worked full time race and Lee, which is why I think I'm really struggling at the moment, because I've just had that period of very heavy going and being in the leadership role in my school. My husband was away for a few weeks of that overseas, so I was managing that as a solo parent as well.
00:30:55:09 - 00:31:08:15
Mel
I have incredible support networks in place, so my mum lives close by and she's incredible. She cooks for us regularly. She takes the kids, she does pick up. So I definitely have support in place, which I'm very grateful for. And I know everyone.
00:31:08:15 - 00:31:11:04
Mel
Has that, my mother and father.
00:31:11:04 - 00:31:14:14
Mel
In law help a little bit, too. Maybe not as much as I'd.
00:31:14:14 - 00:31:15:17
Mel
Like, but.
00:31:15:19 - 00:31:49:14
Mel
They certainly do help where they can. But yeah, and my husband does the school drop offs pretty much every day, which helps to. So I in between my mum and I, we do the pick ups in the afternoon. But yeah lots lots going on during the week. So normally I have like my Monday morning I have Mondays off, which is a great day to have off because then I can kind of set ourselves up for the week, but because I haven't had that day off to myself, I feel like things have kind of collapsed a little bit and the momentum has dried up.
00:31:49:14 - 00:32:10:08
Mel
But yeah, there's a lot that go gets packed into a week with meetings and yeah, just my normal day to day job and some of those extra things. So, and I'm feeling like I'd love to drop one of them, but I just don't know. There's nothing really that I can or. Well, that possibly there is that.
00:32:10:10 - 00:32:14:04
Mel
But yeah, I don't know that I want to, if you know what I mean.
00:32:14:09 - 00:32:18:13
Chris
So of course you don't want to. You would have if you wanted to. You would have already, right. Yeah.
00:32:18:13 - 00:32:18:23
Mel
Yeah.
00:32:19:02 - 00:32:22:15
Chris
So you chose this. This is the contract that you sign. This is how you want to play the game.
00:32:22:19 - 00:32:23:01
Mel
It's all.
00:32:23:01 - 00:32:25:04
Mel
My choice. And my mum says it all the time.
00:32:25:04 - 00:32:30:09
Mel
Like, what are they taking on this and that and what you've got enough to worry about.
00:32:30:09 - 00:32:35:00
Mel
And I'm just like, oh, but this, if I do this, this will happen. And I decide because I'm.
00:32:35:01 - 00:32:36:19
Chris
I'll keep going with that.
00:32:36:21 - 00:32:37:10
Mel
Yeah.
00:32:37:12 - 00:32:41:15
Mel
Well I'm always thinking ten steps ahead. So on right years ahead.
00:32:41:17 - 00:32:42:10
Chris
Why do you do that?
00:32:42:10 - 00:32:44:08
Mel
Oh, I'm already like, I'm going.
00:32:44:08 - 00:32:50:02
Mel
I don't have another ten years of me front facing the students. It's too exhausting. So I'm like.
00:32:50:04 - 00:32:50:16
Mel
And,
00:32:50:18 - 00:33:10:22
Mel
I've got those leadership abilities let's look at, like, doing some upskilling and one of that, which is why I'm doing this. Holly accomplice teacher certification this year. I pushed myself to do it this year because my principal, I don't know how long he's going to be around, and he's gone and supportive of what I do, and I want to take advantage of that while he's here.
00:33:10:22 - 00:33:28:09
Mel
So you know what I mean? Like, I'm putting those pressures on myself because in my mind, there's a timeline for it. So and that that is sort of how I think generally. So okay, if I do this x, y or z. But this time this is going to work out better because did I did it and, and I've got good instincts.
00:33:28:09 - 00:33:37:23
Mel
So usually those instincts are right. And they've led me well so far. But because I'm managing all of that and the mental load of that, it does get overwhelming.
00:33:38:00 - 00:33:40:09
Mel
So yeah.
00:33:40:11 - 00:34:04:15
Chris
Yeah. You want this, Mel. But no, no one. Your mum's not going to convince you otherwise. Yeah. You kids yeah I know I like it. How long's it going to take before you, you realise that that you having a recovery day in and searching fit for, more energy by getting more sleep?
00:34:04:16 - 00:34:17:14
Chris
It's management really needs to. It's like feeding your addiction. To doing.
00:34:17:16 - 00:34:19:06
Mel
Yeah.
00:34:19:08 - 00:34:34:04
Mel
I go from one extreme to the other. I'm either like, hyper active mobile doing stuff to just doing nothing. There's not much in between.
00:34:34:06 - 00:34:38:00
Mel
Yeah, yeah.
00:34:38:02 - 00:34:45:00
Chris
That's so interesting. What kind of person does that?
00:34:45:02 - 00:34:46:06
Mel
I don't know.
00:34:46:08 - 00:34:46:20
Mel
Someone.
00:34:46:20 - 00:34:53:02
Mel
Who, I don't know. They know how to respond to that.
00:34:53:04 - 00:34:59:14
Mel
That's obviously me, but I'm sure there's others that are in the same position that.
00:34:59:16 - 00:35:02:08
Mel
Yes, just they it's like.
00:35:02:13 - 00:35:08:16
Mel
Oh, I've been described as like the Energiser bunny. So like I go, go, go. And then the battery just runs out and I stop.
00:35:08:18 - 00:35:13:14
Chris
00:35:13:15 - 00:35:17:22
Mel
Yeah, yeah.
00:35:18:00 - 00:35:39:01
Chris
Well, do you want that to keep going? Because. Because you got this like. Yeah. Get adding more sleep. Get it. You got 168 up. Is it up to 68 hours in a week? I always forget I think it's 168 hours. Yeah. Hey, Siri, how many hours in a week?
00:35:39:03 - 00:35:44:14
Mel
One week is 168 hours. There you go. Nice.
00:35:44:16 - 00:35:50:05
Chris
So? So you're 168 hours in a week. I do two.
00:35:50:06 - 00:35:52:03
Mel
Yeah.
00:35:52:05 - 00:35:58:07
Chris
At the moment, you're stretched. At the moment you're tired, you're fatigued.
00:35:58:09 - 00:35:59:06
Mel
00:35:59:08 - 00:36:05:10
Chris
You ask for more sleep. Like, this is the thing on the surface. That's what you wanted. You want more sleep?
00:36:05:12 - 00:36:08:18
Mel
Yeah.
00:36:08:20 - 00:36:17:06
Chris
It's like a if I had enough energy, if I had enough sleep, then I would be able to do the things. Then I'll be.
00:36:17:06 - 00:36:22:20
Mel
Happy still do them because I still achieve them all. But it's at the expense to myself. If that method.
00:36:22:20 - 00:36:23:10
Mel
Excites.
00:36:23:11 - 00:36:47:07
Chris
To myself. Yeah. You're a victim now. You're playing the the role of a victim. If I. I am the victim to my life right now. If I had enough slate, you're to get this. Like if I had a sleep, then I'll be able to do all the million things that I'll be able to do that stuff. And I'll finally be able to clear my inbox every day.
00:36:47:07 - 00:36:50:06
Chris
I. You didn't say that. I just said that.
00:36:50:08 - 00:36:52:05
Mel
Smiling.
00:36:52:07 - 00:36:55:20
Mel
Actually, I'm not too bad with the emails, but yeah.
00:36:55:22 - 00:37:14:17
Chris
And then then I'll be, I'll if I have this, then I'll be able to do that. What's the benefit of doing that? Then I'll be where I want to be, and I'll be happy and I'll be able to connect with my kids, and I'll be the mum that I want to be, and I'll be the wife that I'll want to be, and I'll be the person.
00:37:14:19 - 00:37:28:08
Chris
And you know, what does that mean? If I cook? Well, this would be my question to you. Email at what would it mean to you if you could be the wife that you wanted to be, the mum that you wanted to be, the person that you wanted to be?
00:37:28:10 - 00:37:29:09
Mel
It'd be amazing.
00:37:29:13 - 00:37:30:01
Mel
Yeah.
00:37:30:01 - 00:37:57:04
Mel
Hey, sort of fulfilment and, and a maybe just less worrying about things and just feeling. I think sometimes I put it down to just what I do, being a teacher, that you can never switch off because, you know, weekends are never truly round because you've always like, okay, I've got this class that are here, and then this class have to do this, and that is always on your mind as a teacher.
00:37:57:04 - 00:38:04:21
Mel
And I kind of have just felt like that's just what my life is. That perhaps is some of these other.
00:38:04:21 - 00:38:08:04
Mel
Things, like I.
00:38:08:04 - 00:38:12:03
Mel
Recognise the mind shift to change that needs to happen.
00:38:12:03 - 00:38:14:18
Mel
Or some of the,
00:38:14:20 - 00:38:17:01
Mel
The patterns that I have. Maybe it doesn't have.
00:38:17:01 - 00:38:20:10
Mel
To be that way. I don't know.
00:38:20:12 - 00:38:23:13
Mel
I think I've just taken for granted that that's just.
00:38:23:15 - 00:38:28:12
Mel
The life that I've chosen. So.
00:38:28:14 - 00:38:49:15
Chris
That's a bit of a that's a mel ism, though, isn't it? Like, I bet you if you lined up every single teacher in the whole world that's ever been in there ever will be, you know, all of them. You got every single one, are you? There would be a whole lot that think what you just thought. Teachers never switch off.
00:38:49:17 - 00:39:08:16
Chris
You said that it's always on my mind as a teacher. And you said, yeah, I reckon, I mean, I've heard other people in the teaching profession say those exact words. But not every teacher says that.
00:39:08:18 - 00:39:10:12
Chris
So this is not a universal truth.
00:39:10:13 - 00:39:12:14
Mel
So I've got a couple that are just.
00:39:12:14 - 00:39:29:17
Mel
Expert planners that plan things in a way that they just then they have these systems in place, that then they just sort of maintain it during the year. Like they don't have to then do a lot during their weight because they've done so much. I mean, granted, they spend a lot of time in the holidays sort of setting up those processes.
00:39:29:19 - 00:39:32:21
Mel
So now it can be done that done.
00:39:32:21 - 00:39:34:12
Mel
Yeah. It's done.
00:39:34:14 - 00:39:34:23
Mel
I mean, it's.
00:39:34:23 - 00:39:36:00
Mel
Still an inordinate amount.
00:39:36:00 - 00:39:42:11
Mel
Of work to to set those up, but it can be done so that your wakes aren't quite as mental.
00:39:42:13 - 00:39:43:13
Mel
But yeah.
00:39:43:13 - 00:39:44:17
Mel
I mean, I don't feel.
00:39:44:17 - 00:39:47:07
Mel
Like the.
00:39:47:09 - 00:39:52:05
Mel
Load rather than the actual teaching in the resource set up load for me like that.
00:39:52:05 - 00:39:53:04
Mel
Oh yeah.
00:39:53:06 - 00:40:09:14
Mel
Barely in place. So I have systems in place that make that relatively easy, but it's just yeah, I don't I life of the school is very different now to in because I'm doing the latest. There's other things that tend to fill my weeks now or you know I don't know and it's a lot more.
00:40:09:16 - 00:40:11:19
Chris
Some scaling come up tomorrow isn't it.
00:40:11:21 - 00:40:12:22
Mel
Yeah. What's that.
00:40:13:00 - 00:40:15:04
Chris
The sun's going to come up tomorrow isn't it.
00:40:15:06 - 00:40:15:23
Mel
Yeah.
00:40:16:01 - 00:40:38:22
Chris
That's going to spin around like this. If I picked up a, I won't do it. But if I picked up this pen and I let it go. Oh, yeah. Good catch. It's going to drop because of gravity. The law of gravity, the law of whatever makes the Earth spin around. Is that gravity as well? I didn't even know there's some universal laws.
00:40:39:00 - 00:41:08:00
Chris
Just because you are a teacher doesn't mean you have to be a certain point. You don't have. There's some. There's some Bell isms that you're bringing to to this, and you've picked those up along the line because you, you need to survive in order to, to, to make it from A to B and from start of your career to the end of your career, you had to find a solution in order to survive.
00:41:08:02 - 00:41:28:19
Chris
And so you found a way to make it work. You walked into Telstra and you picked out the best option for you that was available on the shelf, and you walked out with it. Two months later, you realise, this phone is actually cracked. It's not all cracked up. I want a new one. And so now it's the same way.
00:41:28:19 - 00:41:32:22
Chris
Like you've you've.
00:41:32:23 - 00:42:05:05
Chris
You've set up your your life exactly how you wanted it to be. But it doesn't have to be like this. Every behaviour has a belief underneath. You only do this because you believe a certain thing. You only believe, a certain way. And when you, when somebody, when anybody. It doesn't matter if they're a teacher or a builder or, scientists or a politician.
00:42:05:07 - 00:42:27:13
Chris
Whenever we. Whenever we think if I can just have a little bit more energy, if I can have a little bit more time, if I can have a little bit more money, if I can have a little bit more knowledge, if I can have a little bit more expertise, it's if I can have that, I can do. And what was doing all the things mean to you?
00:42:27:13 - 00:42:56:03
Chris
Well, it means finally, I'll be enough. I'll be the person I want to be. I'll be happy. I'll be fulfilled. I'll be okay. I'll be who I want to be. Because I can finally squeeze in all the things that I want to do. So that's. That's a victim to circumstance.
00:42:56:05 - 00:42:59:12
Mel
Yeah.
00:42:59:13 - 00:43:21:05
Chris
And there's one. One other thing is, like, if I can do all the things so I can do all the the roles, and I can do all the emails and I can do all the stuff and do all the plans. If I can do all the certifications and the studies, if I can do all the leadership, if I can do all the, does I roles, do all the stuff, if I can do all the marriage things, I can do all the kid things.
00:43:21:05 - 00:43:45:23
Chris
If I can do all that, and I do all this, and I do all that, then I'll be able to have the life that I want. Then I'll be able to have the, money, the time, have all the stuff, have all the people, blah, blah. I'll have something. And what will that mean? If you have that and I can be happy, then I can be fulfilled and I can have less worry.
00:43:45:23 - 00:43:56:02
Chris
I can be enough.
00:43:56:03 - 00:43:56:20
Mel
Make sense?
00:43:56:20 - 00:44:23:12
Chris
I guess so you got to two ways of trying to to solve a problem that I'm not 100% sure that you're. You found the real. Problem. But the root of the problem. Like you want more energy. You want to have more time.
00:44:23:14 - 00:44:46:01
Chris
But then there's the other part. It's it's doing things differently. It's just be who you want to be. Be. Be the person that you want to be. Do you want to be this mum who's stretched thin? Do you want to be this mum who's who's absolutely just drained all the time? Do you want to be this mum that does all the stuff?
00:44:46:02 - 00:45:02:02
Chris
Or do you want to be somebody different? Do you want to be a different kind of way? Like, who do you want to be? Well. What kind of person do you want to be?
00:45:02:04 - 00:45:09:02
Mel
I still want to be the person I am. I happen to like myself.
00:45:09:04 - 00:45:09:14
Mel
Like.
00:45:09:19 - 00:45:15:07
Chris
What does that mean to you, though? Like what? Who do you want to be like? How do you want to be?
00:45:15:09 - 00:45:38:02
Mel
It's more the how a thing rather than the who. Like, I definitely want to be more patient and less snappy and like and be more of my happier self. I suppose I want my kids to see that side of me a lot more. They just sort of saying grumpy, stressed out, stressed mum at the moment for the most part.
00:45:38:04 - 00:45:39:01
Mel
And the more.
00:45:39:01 - 00:45:47:05
Mel
I think as well, when I'm not so stressed and not overwhelmed, I'm more affectionate naturally as well, which I feel like I need to be a bit more.
00:45:47:09 - 00:45:47:20
Mel
Fun.
00:45:47:21 - 00:45:54:05
Mel
I'm not saying like withheld affection or anything, but I feel like I need to step that up more. I think my kids need me to.
00:45:54:05 - 00:45:55:17
Mel
Be a little bit more.
00:45:55:19 - 00:46:08:14
Mel
But I just spend time with them in a different way rather than go, oh, you sit and do that. And it's not like they'd plonked in front of the TV, like it might be my daughter doing puzzles or whatever, and she wants me to joining them like a will in a bit. But I have to do X, Y and Z first.
00:46:08:18 - 00:46:30:21
Mel
Like I actually have to cook the dinner all found some laundry or whatever it is that I'm trying to recognise, you know, taking those opportunities and doing them even just for short periods of time, that I want to be able to just prioritise that a lot more, just go all the other stuff can wait or I don't have to do quite as much because these other things have these other processes.
00:46:30:21 - 00:46:56:17
Mel
During the week have made it so that I don't have to do it all at once, or all at night time or whatever. And I can kind of just focus on on those relationships a little bit more. Yeah. So it's not necessarily changing, like becoming someone different. It's just getting back to who I am more naturally without that level of stress, if that makes sense.
00:46:56:19 - 00:46:59:01
Chris
It doesn't make sense to you.
00:46:59:03 - 00:47:17:20
Mel
Yeah, I think so. I said, I feel like I'm pretty pretty switched on with who I am, my identity, my sense of self and that I've there's there's no like identity crisis or anything like that happening. It's just I think just chronic overwhelm at the moment is the key thing for me.
00:47:17:20 - 00:47:21:03
Mel
So yeah.
00:47:21:05 - 00:47:30:05
Chris
So you're snappy, you're a patient, you're impatient. You're not as if you're not affectionate in the way that you want to be.
00:47:30:07 - 00:47:33:14
Mel
Yeah.
00:47:33:16 - 00:47:35:21
Chris
Allie's not identity.
00:47:35:23 - 00:47:37:06
Mel
Identity, I guess.
00:47:37:07 - 00:47:39:11
Mel
But it's not like, I guess maybe I.
00:47:39:17 - 00:47:40:12
Mel
What would you call it?
00:47:40:12 - 00:47:43:18
Mel
What? You said a little bit different. Like in terms of changing who I.
00:47:43:18 - 00:47:45:04
Mel
Am or like, would.
00:47:45:04 - 00:47:47:10
Chris
That not change who you are?
00:47:47:12 - 00:47:49:03
Mel
I guess you, I guess.
00:47:49:05 - 00:47:56:11
Mel
I see it more as just getting back to who I was, but I guess is still a period of change. It's still a transition isn't it.
00:47:56:11 - 00:48:00:03
Mel
So yeah.
00:48:00:05 - 00:48:18:07
Chris
I mean as I said mill you got, you got the life that you want. I'm not going to convince you, your mum's not going to convince you. Your husband's not going to convince you. Heck your kids who, who living the life that they're living right now and you've been they've been living the way that they're living.
00:48:18:08 - 00:48:35:13
Chris
They're not even going to convince you. You're going to keep doing what you're doing because you want to. No one's going to convince you to be any sort of way that you don't want to be. But you're stuffed, you're stretched, you're stressed.
00:48:35:15 - 00:48:37:23
Mel
Yeah.
00:48:38:01 - 00:48:45:20
Chris
And you're snappy and you're impatient.
00:48:45:22 - 00:49:03:15
Chris
And you're not affectionate in the way that you want to be. That's you. That's that's how you are. That's how you're being right now. And your choices to be like that.
00:49:03:17 - 00:49:07:09
Mel
Yeah. Make sense?
00:49:07:11 - 00:49:32:19
Chris
And that's the that's the fine print. That's what you get when you sign up for an iPhone 16, or you walk out the Telstra store with you, sign up for that. That's the that's that's what you get there. The warts and all. The decisions that you make, the the choices that you make, the programming that you have did you just so temporary.
00:49:32:19 - 00:49:56:22
Chris
It's so it's not permanent. You made it up in the first place. So you can make up something different if you want to. Is this to spur part of the the decisions that you've made, the choices that you made. You're so stretched, so stressed, you're so strained, snappy. You're at the end.
00:49:57:00 - 00:50:02:13
Chris
The whole fact that you want to recover.
00:50:02:15 - 00:50:16:14
Chris
Is because you, you lack the energy in the first place. You you need something. You need to come back so you can do it all again.
00:50:16:15 - 00:50:30:00
Chris
And that's who you are.
00:50:30:02 - 00:50:41:08
Chris
And, And tomorrow, that's who you'll be again. And the next day.
00:50:41:10 - 00:50:49:06
Chris
And when you step into leadership, you'll still be that way.
00:50:49:07 - 00:50:50:05
Mel
Yes.
00:50:50:07 - 00:50:56:22
Chris
When your kids are 25, you'll still be that way.
00:50:57:00 - 00:51:04:02
Chris
And when you're on your deathbed, you'll still be that way.
00:51:04:04 - 00:51:10:06
Chris
Because that's who you are.
00:51:10:08 - 00:51:23:07
Chris
How you are.
00:51:23:09 - 00:51:41:00
Chris
It's how it's is. A belief in their. About yourself. I have to be this way. I've got to be this way. I need to be this way. I have to keep going. I have to keep doing. God, I need to.
00:51:41:02 - 00:51:46:16
Chris
Y mal.
00:51:46:18 - 00:51:50:09
Mel
I don't know, I just.
00:51:50:11 - 00:51:53:06
Mel
I've always been very driven. I've always.
00:51:53:08 - 00:51:54:07
Mel
00:51:54:09 - 00:51:59:03
Mel
As far as I can remember, I've always wanted to,
00:51:59:05 - 00:52:00:09
Mel
And I've been involved.
00:52:00:09 - 00:52:01:09
Mel
In everything.
00:52:01:09 - 00:52:05:00
Mel
And,
00:52:05:02 - 00:52:12:22
Mel
But even as a kid, I did all the things. Like, if there was something on at school. Yeah, I'd put my hand up. I'd do it.
00:52:13:00 - 00:52:14:22
Mel
I don't know, nowhere.
00:52:14:22 - 00:52:20:06
Mel
It it's I mean, my dad was always very industrious and raised me to be industrious.
00:52:20:06 - 00:52:26:14
Mel
That.
00:52:26:16 - 00:52:30:17
Mel
I don't know.
00:52:30:19 - 00:52:40:21
Chris
What do you get out of being driven? What's the benefit of that?
00:52:40:23 - 00:52:43:03
Mel
I think I like to have an impact.
00:52:43:05 - 00:52:45:12
Mel
I like to.
00:52:45:14 - 00:52:46:11
Mel
Make a place.
00:52:46:11 - 00:52:47:14
Mel
Better.
00:52:47:16 - 00:52:48:08
Mel
From my.
00:52:48:08 - 00:52:58:00
Mel
Influence.
00:52:58:01 - 00:53:01:05
Mel
Yeah, I don't I that's good.
00:53:01:07 - 00:53:25:07
Chris
What do you get? What? What do you get out of making it better? Like, which is a beautiful, beautiful thing. And and in your head, you get this. I'm just trying to get you to work. Why do you want to make the place better? Like, where's. What's that all about? Why do you want to influence?
00:53:25:12 - 00:53:36:09
Chris
What's that all about? What's that going to get you? What's the benefit?
00:53:36:11 - 00:53:42:14
Mel
I don't know if I see it as a benefit to me. Like, oh, what am I going to get out of this? I just sort of think, as a.
00:53:42:14 - 00:53:44:00
Mel
Human.
00:53:44:02 - 00:53:57:21
Mel
To leave a place.
00:53:57:23 - 00:53:59:02
Mel
To like a place better.
00:53:59:02 - 00:54:10:12
Mel
Than what it was when you were you first got there is, just something you should do.
00:54:10:14 - 00:54:11:12
Mel
You know, serving.
00:54:11:12 - 00:54:25:05
Mel
Others, working. Working. I really love working collaboratively, collaboratively with other teachers and, like.
00:54:25:07 - 00:54:26:20
Mel
So, like, for example.
00:54:27:00 - 00:54:29:06
Mel
If there's,
00:54:29:08 - 00:54:45:20
Mel
If there's a difficult student that we're working with, very across what's happening in their other classes with the other teachers, I'm a big communicator. So and I like to get the things out and see, you know, see if there's like a common thing that we can work.
00:54:45:20 - 00:54:48:22
Mel
Towards because.
00:54:49:00 - 00:54:50:23
Mel
That's better than just sort of staying.
00:54:50:23 - 00:54:56:09
Mel
In your block.
00:54:56:11 - 00:54:58:12
Mel
You know, just I could just come.
00:54:58:14 - 00:55:00:03
Mel
To work.
00:55:00:05 - 00:55:04:03
Mel
And teach and then go home, and I'd still have, like, I'd still do a good.
00:55:04:03 - 00:55:08:11
Mel
Job, but I don't know, it's not enough for me. It never.
00:55:08:11 - 00:55:22:14
Mel
Has been.
00:55:22:16 - 00:55:37:04
Chris
What do you get? What do you get out of this? What's the. What's the intention? You know, like it's not enough for you.
00:55:37:06 - 00:55:37:21
Mel
I think it's.
00:55:37:21 - 00:55:41:21
Mel
About,
00:55:41:23 - 00:55:50:07
Mel
Connecting with, like, young people, helping them.
00:55:50:09 - 00:55:56:20
Mel
And helping them realise their potential. Helping them.
00:55:56:22 - 00:55:58:10
Mel
To have a place where they can go.
00:55:58:10 - 00:56:02:00
Mel
That they enjoy. And,
00:56:02:02 - 00:56:08:06
Mel
Feel a sense of achievement. And same goes with my colleagues. Like, I just think.
00:56:08:08 - 00:56:09:09
Mel
So by.
00:56:09:09 - 00:56:23:08
Mel
Working together and doing things collaboratively, we grow closer. We have really great professional and personal relationships and, it just makes what we do worthwhile.
00:56:23:10 - 00:56:40:04
Chris
How do you know? Like what? You're talking about other people a lot. Well, what what about we talk about you for just a minute. Like, what do you get out of this? It's like pulling, pulling water out of a rock. Girlfriend's like, what do you get out of this?
00:56:40:05 - 00:56:41:09
Mel
Oh, look, I.
00:56:41:09 - 00:56:47:14
Mel
Have these moments all the time during my week where I'm just like, oh, this kid's getting it. Just gets so happy.
00:56:47:14 - 00:56:48:11
Mel
And I get.
00:56:48:11 - 00:56:50:02
Chris
So what?
00:56:50:04 - 00:56:50:14
Mel
Happy?
00:56:50:14 - 00:57:04:15
Chris
You see what?
00:57:04:16 - 00:57:06:11
Mel
I have heaps of happy moments.
00:57:06:11 - 00:57:11:01
Mel
Throughout my week with, like, just little things.
00:57:11:03 - 00:57:13:00
Mel
And that's why I love what I do.
00:57:13:04 - 00:57:18:02
Chris
I get so happy.
00:57:18:04 - 00:57:40:23
Chris
So flaming. The way you do anything is the way you do everything. And it took that that much hard work to realise you're doing it, to be happy. No wonder you're stretching yourself thin. You work so hard just to realise all you want is to be happy.
00:57:41:01 - 00:57:47:13
Chris
Spend so much time thinking about others.
00:57:47:14 - 00:57:55:20
Chris
You couldn't realise all you want to do is because you just want to be happy.
00:57:55:22 - 00:58:06:17
Chris
What kind of person isn't happy?
00:58:06:19 - 00:58:08:12
Mel
Is that a question for me?
00:58:08:14 - 00:58:18:13
Mel
Yeah. What kind of person isn't happy? I don't know. I think.
00:58:18:15 - 00:58:40:06
Mel
I get happiness from. Not from material things. I never have it done. I've never valued material possessions. I drive an old car that I've had for years. I couldn't care less what it looks like. I just my happy moments, I just through experiences and through connecting with people.
00:58:40:08 - 00:58:42:15
Chris
On beautiful.
00:58:42:16 - 00:58:43:01
Mel
Yeah.
00:58:43:05 - 00:59:06:06
Chris
And so if you said that differently, in your map of the world, in your, in the way that you see the world, which is perfect, it's, it's it's your way. When you have less experiences, when you have less connection, you have less happiness.
00:59:06:08 - 00:59:07:23
Mel
Yeah. That's. Yeah for sure.
00:59:07:23 - 00:59:10:21
Chris
So what does that sound like? Yeah, it feels good. Right?
00:59:10:23 - 00:59:12:18
Mel
Yeah.
00:59:12:20 - 00:59:48:04
Chris
So. So here you are with 168 hours and you're on your scale and you are, giving kids at school, kids on the board, the, you're the deputy. What's the. Oh, heck, what did you. The principal. I couldn't think of the word. You you're you're contributing. You're connecting. You're you're having experiences, you're studying, and you're laying up the future.
00:59:48:05 - 01:00:08:09
Chris
You you're ten years. You're thinking ten years in the future. You got this and then this. Then I'll do this, then I'll do that just so you can find happiness. And you're connecting with all those people. And then what are you noticing on the weekend?
01:00:08:11 - 01:00:11:11
Chris
There's some other people who aren't being connected with.
01:00:11:13 - 01:00:21:00
Mel
Yeah.
01:00:21:02 - 01:00:29:12
Chris
And you want to sleep so you can play that out some more.
01:00:29:13 - 01:00:31:01
Mel
01:00:31:05 - 01:00:40:13
Chris
Like slaves. Great. Don't get me wrong. Sleeps. Fantastic. Nothing is a problem till it is. Everything's okay till it's not.
01:00:40:15 - 01:01:09:05
Chris
Yeah, like build out better routines. Have have better sleep, sleep better, have more comfortable mattress hygiene, blah blah, blah. Like, do it all, like. Yeah. Why not? But it just sounds like. The real problem is why you're exhausted in the first place.
01:01:09:07 - 01:01:20:09
Mel
Yeah. Sorry. It's just my alarm going off. I think what it is. What, like, over.
01:01:20:09 - 01:01:28:09
Mel
The last few minutes? What seems to be, I guess noticeable is that.
01:01:28:11 - 01:01:28:22
Mel
Maybe I'm.
01:01:28:22 - 01:01:29:20
Mel
Just.
01:01:29:22 - 01:01:37:07
Mel
So busy, like, just filling everyone's cups. I'm not filling my own.
01:01:37:09 - 01:01:40:12
Mel
01:01:40:14 - 01:01:43:17
Mel
Any of that recovery time on the weekend is just.
01:01:43:19 - 01:01:45:12
Mel
It's not.
01:01:45:14 - 01:01:54:01
Mel
I'm not using it in the way that I need to is either for for myself or for my family. So I think.
01:01:54:03 - 01:02:02:17
Mel
Yeah, that could be something to look at. Yeah.
01:02:02:19 - 01:02:24:19
Mel
And I think I just have this mentality of if I do x, Y and Z, I'll be happy. If I do x, y, and z, this will happen if I, you know, rather than being present and, yeah, doing doing things in my day to day that bring me that fulfilment rather than looking at, yeah, so far ahead in the future.
01:02:24:21 - 01:03:04:20
Chris
Thank. So he is the he is under the mystery box. Oh I'm so stuffed. I'm so stretched. I'm so stressed because I fill everyone else's cup, not my own. That's what that says. Looks like I've just written in Japanese. Scratch. And so, yeah, I fill everyone else's cup, not my own. And you have this perception now underneath that to take in another layer that's we might not get into right now, but it would be my invitation.
01:03:04:21 - 01:03:34:12
Chris
To you mail is to to consider. And anyone who's listening that resonates with this, it's like, yeah, cool. Well, someone with a self perception or perception about themselves like of not enoughness will try to make other people happy, will try to make other people happy so that they're happy. You know, it's like this void of of self-love, just fast tracking this just because we're running low on time.
01:03:34:14 - 01:03:54:08
Chris
You know, you've got this perception about yourself that leads you. To fill other people's cup up and not your own. So this, this feeling about yourself, this perception about yourself is self-worth.
01:03:54:10 - 01:04:26:19
Chris
Just jams you into fight or flight or fawn fawning. Fawning is rolling over for the appeasement of others. And so when you fill other people's cup and not your own, it looks like perfection. It looks like overdoing. But really, it's a scared little girl who's trying to make other people happy so that they'll like her.
01:04:26:21 - 01:04:40:02
Mel
I actually don't think I like, resonate with that, but maybe there's more unpacking to do. I just I don't think I really like it. I want certain people maybe to care, but as a general.
01:04:40:02 - 01:04:41:18
Mel
Rule, I wouldn't.
01:04:41:20 - 01:04:55:14
Mel
Like care if people liked me or or whatever at work at this people that, you know, maybe I, I get along well, I guess, with most people, but there's a few people, like if they were a bit like, yeah, I'd be like, whatever, that's them. But maybe it's just.
01:04:55:15 - 01:05:05:10
Chris
When will you quit? When we when we give all that stuff up, then or don't you just don't care about your kids?
01:05:05:12 - 01:05:07:01
Mel
No, I don't know if it's this.
01:05:07:03 - 01:05:10:07
Mel
I don't know. That's a bit of a.
01:05:10:09 - 01:05:13:13
Mel
Something I'd have to ponder about. Certainly not, because I don't care.
01:05:13:13 - 01:05:16:19
Mel
About my kids. But yeah, I don't know. They just thought.
01:05:16:19 - 01:05:18:09
Mel
Yeah, I definitely am doing too.
01:05:18:09 - 01:05:20:08
Mel
Much.
01:05:20:10 - 01:05:22:17
Mel
But it's hard. Like, because, like, I hang on to them.
01:05:22:22 - 01:05:24:07
Mel
I can't let.
01:05:24:09 - 01:05:32:16
Mel
F1 and let anything go. Yeah, but obviously I do need to.
01:05:32:18 - 01:05:39:05
Mel
So definitely a lot to ponder. There.
01:05:39:06 - 01:06:16:09
Chris
It's really interesting because you, you, you have the stretchiness, you are stressed, you are strained. You're choosing a behaviour of filling other people's cups up. And not your own. You're choosing to, to prioritise the, your energy investment into career roles. Kids that didn't come out of your body.
01:06:16:11 - 01:06:22:15
Chris
That aren't in your family. Prioritising needs.
01:06:22:17 - 01:06:27:04
Mel
I feel like that's for a short time. No, like there's an endpoint there, like, because I've got so.
01:06:27:04 - 01:06:28:07
Mel
Much on, but.
01:06:28:07 - 01:06:45:01
Mel
I don't feel like that's the forever thing, so. Well, it's certainly not going to be for everything, but, yeah, that kids need you regardless of whether there's a timeline or not. So yeah, I need to work out a way to balance that. Balance that.
01:06:45:04 - 01:06:46:15
Mel
For sure.
01:06:46:17 - 01:06:55:10
Chris
Yeah. All right. Yeah. Bang. There you go. So we're not talking about sleep anymore. We're talking about balance.
01:06:55:12 - 01:07:15:12
Chris
But I still think there's a reason why you're having a problem balancing in the first place. Like, I'm not convinced. You're convinced about about the real problem.
01:07:15:14 - 01:07:49:21
Chris
Yeah. So. So this is a really interesting, conversation because you can take it two ways. One, you could you could just be like, nah, stuff that there's nothing. There's nothing I need to do. I'm happy just playing this out the way I am. I just want slate, man. And then you just go, and you just kind of go Google slate tips and and and tricks and all this sort of stuff in the same way that somebody who wants more.
01:07:49:23 - 01:08:06:00
Chris
Satisfaction in their life will go Google. Where do I get more cocaine? Where do I get more heroin? How do how do I find local drug dealers? And they'll go get the hit so they can be happy?
01:08:06:02 - 01:08:17:08
Chris
Your cocaine, your buzz, your heroin is is different. Your drug is. A little bit different.
01:08:17:10 - 01:08:20:12
Mel
Yeah.
01:08:20:14 - 01:08:24:06
Chris
But it's still covering up.
01:08:24:08 - 01:08:24:17
Mel
Yeah.
01:08:24:22 - 01:08:31:20
Chris
The whole.
01:08:31:22 - 01:08:54:00
Chris
I'm excited to, like, follow up and just see what you what you think in in the future. Well, this is a, this is a really interesting this is where coaching conversations end up. Sometimes it's like, oh yeah, we just took a, like a detour. This didn't go where I was expecting it to go. Well, I just came on to you.
01:08:54:00 - 01:08:57:11
Mel
Right? Not at all. Yeah.
01:08:57:13 - 01:09:02:18
Mel
That's okay. I definitely would like to look at it further. There's some things that were bit.
01:09:02:18 - 01:09:03:23
Mel
Uncomfortable.
01:09:04:01 - 01:09:08:15
Mel
That I think probably require a bit further investigation.
01:09:08:17 - 01:09:37:10
Chris
Yeah. This is if I was to do stuff, it would be all right. Yeah. This is this is the result. You're getting this result right now and you're not happy with it. You don't like it. You want something different? Okay, well, if you want something different, where are you going to have to, you know, do something different. And at the moment and, you know, one plus one is to, so this is this is what you're doing that's getting you here.
01:09:37:12 - 01:09:45:20
Chris
And what you're not clear on yet is like, why?
01:09:45:21 - 01:09:59:10
Chris
Yeah, potentially. I mean, you want sleep's. I have more energy. Okay, cool. Well, imagine if you weren't filling other people's flaming cups. You're filling your own.
01:09:59:12 - 01:10:14:01
Chris
Yeah. Well, you know, you've just got enough. It's not a question of not having enough because you're not filling anyone else's cups. You're filling your own.
01:10:14:03 - 01:10:19:10
Chris
But you never will fill your own cup.
01:10:19:12 - 01:10:31:09
Chris
Because you aren't the type of girl that fills her own cup. First.
01:10:31:11 - 01:10:33:01
Chris
That's where I would go.
01:10:33:03 - 01:10:37:02
Mel
Yeah, yeah, well.
01:10:37:04 - 01:10:38:21
Mel
See where we go to the next.
01:10:38:21 - 01:10:58:15
Chris
One. Yeah. Sounds good. And and the and the cool thing is. Okay, so if you were the type of girl that filled her own cup, like, if you could, if you could take this box, then you will fill your cup. Now if you do fill your cup, well you'll be the opposite. Like what's the opposite of stuffed?
01:10:58:17 - 01:11:01:16
Mel
Can I still do that? Other stuff in the middle though?
01:11:01:18 - 01:11:08:06
Chris
Well, well, I fill other people's cups up and not my own.
01:11:08:07 - 01:11:08:18
Mel
Are you getting?
01:11:08:19 - 01:11:12:04
Mel
Not that, but like, can I do both?
01:11:12:06 - 01:11:13:19
Chris
Yeah, that that's I don't.
01:11:13:19 - 01:11:14:21
Mel
Know my own and.
01:11:14:22 - 01:11:17:12
Mel
Also still help other people.
01:11:17:12 - 01:11:20:02
Chris
I mean yeah that's a thing isn't it.
01:11:20:04 - 01:11:22:00
Mel
Yeah, yeah.
01:11:22:02 - 01:11:41:00
Chris
Because you might feel like if you can address this need right here. Well heck you might, you might realise, oh gee whiz, actually being a deputy is a distraction or or you might look at it and be like far out. Everything else is a distraction. And deputy is the thing, you know.
01:11:41:00 - 01:11:41:13
Mel
Yeah.
01:11:41:15 - 01:12:17:19
Chris
Like at the moment, you're unintentionally stretching yourself. And so if you can get clear here, it's like, okay, well, well then now I can be more intentional. And so while I fill my cup up. So I'll make sure I get my needs, and then now I can be intentional with where I fill other people's cups up.
01:12:17:21 - 01:12:26:23
Mel
Yeah.
01:12:27:01 - 01:12:39:07
Chris
Yes. So then you won't be stuffed. You'll be something else. You won't be stretched. You'll be something else. You won't be stressed because you'll be something else.
01:12:39:09 - 01:12:42:20
Mel
Yeah.
01:12:42:22 - 01:12:54:15
Chris
Boom! All right, now, let's let's leave it there. We'll wrap this one up. Thanks for. Thanks for jumping in. That was fun.
01:12:54:16 - 01:12:58:01
Mel
But you're welcome.
01:12:58:03 - 01:13:15:03
Chris
I'll, I'll let you know when this recording goes up. And, and if anyone else has any any questions or if you resonate to leave a comment underneath. And, we can keep the keep the ball rolling.
01:13:15:05 - 01:13:16:17
Mel
But yeah, that's good.
01:13:16:19 - 01:13:24:20
Chris
Until until the next time we chat. Thank you so much. And for the, catching up with you next time.
01:13:24:22 - 01:13:26:12
Mel
Sounds good. Thank you.
01:13:26:14 - 01:13:28:23
Chris
All righty. Catch you later. Male.
01:13:29:01 - 01:13:30:02
Mel
Bye. See you.
01:13:30:02 - 01:13:33:20
Chris
01:13:33:22 - 01:13:44:00
Filly
Thank you so much for listening. We so appreciate you. If you'd like to give us extra smiles, drop us a review and spread the love by sharing this episode.
01:13:44:02 - 01:14:10:00
Chris
You can also write your own state of burnout and the root cause contributors by taking our Ending Body Burnout assessment on our website. And if you're interested in learning about our group or one on one ending buddy burnout programs, shoot us a DM via Instagram or Facebook. Have the best day ever.
01:14:10:02 - 01:14:10:13
Chris
For.
